Bugger.

Far away

2007-02-23T11:55:00.000+08:00

Everytime I blog here, I feel somewhat far away from God. (Yes, Christians can feel that way too. We're not angels u know=) )

I starting to wonder where I had left my life behind. Before I came to know Christ. Its like walking away from Eygpt, so hard yet so delievering. From being blissfully unaware of being miserable to being acutely aware of how terribly miserable I really am, without God.

I guess that is the reason i haven't left my faith. When something makes an impact on me, I want to hold on to it because it becomes all I have. When questions creep in, like the sunlight on a lazy saturday morning, "Would I have been a good dancer and live a life of glamour?", or "would i have many more girlfriends?" (and a whole lot of screwed up realtionships.) "Would I be who i wanted to be, if i hadn't walked away?"

Maybe I would have. Maybe... I would have failed. I don't know for sure. Does happiness come from chasing pretty rainbows?

The only thing i know now. Is that the old life i used to live cannot contain...
what I know now.

Jolene

2007-02-21T04:52:00.000+08:00

Jolene has inspired me!
I shall
attempt
to
mug
too.

Sun - Study
Mon-Study Study
Tue- Study Study Study
Wed......
I give up.

Hmmm

2007-02-21T04:50:00.000+08:00

Its 5 Am in the bloody morning.
I'm going to run soon.

Doesn't help that I'm drunk on plain water though.

Inn Somnia

2007-01-13T07:26:00.000+08:00

Welcome to Inn Somnia. No drinks. Absolutely no fun. Just plenty of rolling around and trying to get some sleep. Seriously.

One of my friends has flown of to Hong Kong. The smiling pictures, the happy faces. I can't help but acknowledge the slightest tinge of jealousy well up inside. well. Enjoy yourself girl, you deserve it. =)

Its a happening 7AM in the morning and my the exclaimation mark on my keyboard just refuses to work. Or rather the the "1" button. Which makes me want to exclaim in obscene, four-lettered words but it wouldn't be right without the exclaimation marks behind the swear words and possibly because I don't approve of swearing either. (you can breathe now.) Its kinda like having a steak and finding after you've chewed it you can't swollow because your throat stopped working. So the satisfaction dies there. Seriously a new keyboard I needeth.

Its been raining for days now. It feels like months though. Especially when I'm aching to go for a run. As you can see, this blog is entirely pointless and directionless. Because it doesn't point in any direction.

I jsut realised the importance of punctuation. How silly. After twenty two years of living on this planet I have just began to appreciate punctuation. Like "Ahhhhh" for example.
Ahhhhh.- Could mean a satisfied Ahhhh.
Ahhhhh(with many exclaimation marks), could mean someone jsut stepped on your toe with 4 inch heels.
AHhhh? could possibly mean You're at a lost for words, or possibly lost track of the train of thought track. Or something of equal horrendousness along the same line.
Ahhhhh.,.,?., is erm.. for irrittating your English teacher. Like typing like dis. 1t w00t m4k3 h1m 0r h3r r3411y m4d n u'd g3t p4wn3d. or like j00 dunch lyche dat larhxx
kekekek.

Annoying isn't it? Came in the email.
I need sleep.

honestly? honest honesty.

2007-01-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

I guess i haven't been particularly honest with myself. (This is beginning to look like one of those posts where I divulge my most dark and obxious secret. Which would attract the most sinister of reporters to this blogpost like bees to mathematics.)

Yes. I guess I haven't been particularly honest with myself. Honest in the sense that I still hide from the person that I really am. I mean... who doesn't right?Everyone does it.

I need to be honest. I just... need to be.

Old wives tales.

2006-11-30T09:43:00.000+08:00

Old wives tales.

Brazillian old wives´ tales:
-You will die if you eat mangoes and milk (created to avoid slave nightly plundering of farm areas during the slavery period)
-Mirrors attract lightning during a storm; cover them to be protected (some truth here: metal attracts electric discharges more easily than most other materials, including water. Mirrors were mostly made of iron back then).
-Pointing your finger to the stars will make warts grow on your fingers. No problems if you point to the moon or other planets, though.
-A recipe will not work if you mix ingredients partly clockwise, partly anti-clockwise. (This is true only if one switches direction so quickly that the entire container is not fully stirred).
-Wild boars will trample you to death in your sleep if you eat bacon in your bed past midnight.
-You will grow worms on your stomach if you sleep when you're really hungry.
-If a pregnant woman does not eat whatever food she craves at the time she craves it, the baby's face will resemble said food's shape.
-Drinking soft drinks under sunlight may twist your mouth permanently.
-Saying "Thank You" after someone says "Bless You" after sneezing will cause you to have bad luck.
-People who can draw "perfect" circles are insane.
-Ornamental elephants within your home are bad luck unless they face the door.

-If you are hit on the knee cap and your leg does not twitch, you are insane.

taken from here.
go read. haha

discovery.

2006-11-29T10:22:00.000+08:00

Jam with garlic bread is swell.

i'm hiding it too

2006-11-28T10:00:00.000+08:00

"Hey, what time do you have to go to school?"She asks.

(Aiyah.. don't disturb me... i need some sleep.) I think to myself. I grunt a barely audible reply

"its just.. well.. don't be late for your paper okay?" She says in a very soft tone.

I'm touched and a little annoyed at myself for being so idiotic earlier.

"I know how you feel. You not being able to do your paper and all. And Dad looking down on you because... you think you're going to fail. That's why i didn't tell anyone i was having my exams the last few weeks." She says in a almost hushed tone. I could almost hear the tears coming out of her eyes. That hurt. The sigh. I couldn't look.

I didn't know she was having her exams and she was MY sister too.

"Just. Well. Do your best okay? And erm Good luck."
She walks out of my room.
To school.

I lie in bed beneath the sheets. Feeling the chilling morning breeze on my exposed thighs. I wrap my blanket around me in search of comfort, away from the cold wind.
She was the last person I had expected to encourage me like that. An insight to how she had felt. Living in the scrutiny of my parents. They always say she didn't study. but who knows? Who knows but... God.

She had lived her life without the support of a family. Even I had lived.. with some sort of support. I wonder deep down if God has a plan for me in all this.

She has fought valiantly and I am proud of her.

Now is my turn.

right and wrong.

2006-11-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

Doing something right, and losing what people would call "hope for the future". To see it seep away, between your fingertips, like water.

Or to do something wrong. Gaining everything that everyone says you should have.Telling people that you're blessed. When you know... better.

No one understands the battles that cry out from within you.
No one knows. The compromise.
But alas. It is your own soul and conscience.
That bears the consequence of your actions.

Which would you choose?

Don't think politically correct.
Think honest.

Dead honest.

nice.

2006-11-27T02:11:00.000+08:00

Jolene's very nice. haha
I told her i was upset, and she turned on her webcam to try to let me see snow.
It was too laggy and i ended up getting motion sickness instead.

but it was nice. =)

dumb thing

2006-11-26T20:02:00.000+08:00

The cockroach begs me with its beady, puppy-dog eyes. I am tempted to smack it and ask it to get a job.

Exaggerated. Like hollywood movies.

Luke 7 :36

2006-11-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

The woman that had washed Jesus's feet with tears.

She had taken her whole life, to place it at his feet.

Her long beautiful hair. "The glory of a woman", The bible says. She had used THAT... to wipe his feet.

Her tears. An outburst of her emotions. Her hurt. The way she had felt. Deep, down inside.

The perfume. That she had spent probably a year's wages to buy. Money that could have fed her from day to day. It could have been her prized possessions. The money she had wasted her life to earn.

She had poured it onto His feet. Into the soil. Never to be seen again.

Did she care?
All she wanted to hear, was that her sins were forgiven. That she could be free from the life that she lived. From the scorn of common people. From the hate of angry wives.

What the pharisees had withheld.
Jesus... had feely given.

A multitude of things, make me better than her. I've an education. A house to live in. Food that i complain about and refuse to eat. I definately don't have to undergo despise and scorn. Or the shame of a prostitute.

But there is one thing in which she surpasses me.That is her love for God.
Because she didn't have anything worth living for.
Because she had everything to be foregiven for.

That she treasured His forgiveness of her sins.
THAT much.

I want to be like that.

pick. at your own risk.

2006-11-25T12:42:00.000+08:00

I am over my head in studying.
So i've come up with my own

Jon's fortune telling machine.

Pick a number. :)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

(Disclaimer: If you are angry with your fortune, it is all your own fault.)

Ace.

2006-11-25T12:11:00.000+08:00

look wat Jess did!
Everyone needs a Jess.
She is ace.

why 2?

2006-11-25T10:14:00.000+08:00

Why is common sense called common sense.
Whan so little people have it?

such a befuddling thought.

more comics

2006-11-23T11:46:00.000+08:00

You've got it going.

2006-11-23T11:19:00.000+08:00

Minutes after I've left my house, I have bumped into the NICEest smelling woman in the entire universe. She smelt so fantastic, that I couldn't help but walk slowly behind her to catch small glimpses of her wonderful perfume, which smells faintly of golden apples, cinnamon.

As she waltzes through the streets, people turn their heads to look. The hipster jeans that comfortably hug her waist, bask in the attention, like a peacock in full bloom. The sweater that wraps nicely around her shoulders radiate beauty. And mystery.

She sashays like a cat walk model and very nearly. Very, very nearly, causes a traffic jam. The uncle in a lorry stops his lorry midway, just for her to cross the road.( even though the green man is gone.)

I am tempted to walk past her and turn to see if she looks as good as she smells, but I can't help it. She smells too good for me to stop walking behind her. I decide to contend with walking behind her until i decide to run for my bus.

The bus is the only thing that is more important than sweet smelling women.

--------------------------------------------
She's constantly on my mind during the bus ride.
Until i decide.
Very fruitfully.
That i love women who smell GOood.
not just good. niether gooood. but GOood.

There is however.
Something that smells better than that.
That. I decide.
Is someone who smells of Christ.

That kind of scent.
Is just divine.

nobody in the funny library.

2006-11-23T11:16:00.000+08:00

"Good morning bugger."
She smiles at me dreamily, whilest rubbing her eyes with her arm.

I stare in amazement, wonder and half shock.

How did she ever find out?

Frazz

2006-11-21T13:37:00.000+08:00

foxtrot

2006-11-21T11:20:00.000+08:00

so much coffeeeee

2006-11-21T09:28:00.000+08:00

"I neeeeed sleep." I tell my half bewildered and hungry sister. This horridly early tuesday morning. (oh shucks! 'Its only tuesday', I realise... and reality sets in.)

She chuckles.
"Really. I've just been introduced to a guy by the name of Othneil who remembers me as the guy with funky hairdo and... eye liner." I cry.

The few seconds between the last two words and her expression is rather short lived. She wrinkles her nose, as if to sneeze, and throws her head back in a tremendous laughter that shakes the roof of the HDB flat. She promptly knocks her the back of her head onto the cupboard behind. her. ('orh-bee-quack' i think to myself.)

"ow. " She says, still grinning form ear to ear. I make a face at her.( that kind that looks like this--> =/), and roll my eyes at her. She rolls them back at me.(haha... I'm sorry. I couldn't resist it.)

"That's not very fair." She says after a while, whilest munching on her Nutella sandwich." I've never seen you put eye liner on". She fakes an angry face and sticks her hands on to her hips.

"And... you can have the last few slices of bread la. I'm worried its not enough for you. Cuz you're having exams. I'll go find something else to eat." She says quickly, before I can retort.

Some people ought to get smacked, shot, and hugged and kissed at the same time.

She's one of them.

I smile secretly to myself.

Man

2006-11-21T09:24:00.000+08:00

What makes a Man
---------------------
A comfortable shoulder to cry on.
A jacket to keep her form the cold.
a pair of legs to walk her back
all the way from anywhere to her home.

Does the sweetest things
that only she remembers
has the hands that holds
the doors open

has the ears to hear her voice
has the eyes to hold the gaze.
has a mouth not only
just to speak

above all, he must have a woman.
who's willing to let him
do

all these.

small things

2006-11-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

Small things do matter. Alot. Alot more than they actually appear to be.

A hug from a friend. A kiss from a loved one. A compliment, from the most attractive girl in the universe. Amongst other things.

Sometimes, the small little things snowball into big things. Like angst, jeaslousy, anger. and silly little things we forget to do or conincidentally, don't realise we did. They grow so totally out of hand, we forget... it started out small.

little things.

they do matter.

oxymoronic

2006-11-19T18:17:00.000+08:00

hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - it means fear of long words.
Irony indeed. yes.

Ruthie

2006-11-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

My sister is so funny.

The first time she went to my dad's office, she brought along a Hello Kitty glass cup to make hot chocolate in. She also made my dad promise not to secretly use it when she's away.

This time, she's brought her pillow along with her as well. She tells me in hushed whispers :" I am going to turn Daddy's office into my little pigsty." She gives a cheeky sagely grin. (a cheeky sagely grin? how does someone do that? I don't know. Ask her. She did it.) I can't help but snigger.

My dad has seen through her devious little ploy though. He brought back the pillow this afternoon. I am not surprised he brought it back. Its A4 sized and has hearts and Hello Kitty embroided on it. I'm pretty sure he'd be the brunt of office jokes if he's caught red handed with that kind of pillow on his desk.

She has not given up and tells me of her plans for another attack to invade the office. Its so funny and adorable I secretly want to kiss her.

I pat her on the head instead, and hug her.

She's so funny.

as commonplace as common places.

2006-11-18T19:32:00.000+08:00

I smack him on the head with a tofu.

"ouch." he says.

"What the @%#!.." says the tofu.

The fish gasps.
The vegetables faint and wilt.
The ice sweats.

"What a vulgar thing." says the ceiling.

The wall says nothing.
It has seen too many things already.

Hey you there.

2006-11-17T11:16:00.000+08:00

I met a guy named Ben this morning. Was jogging with E when I stopped to do setups. He came over to the station opposite mine and smiled. I tilted my head and smiled back out of courtesy.

His hair was frizzy and red. Kind like a hairy sponge. (I know its not exactly a very good description. I'm working on it.) He smiles happily.

"Do you jog often?" He asks. His body glistening with pespiration, under the morning sun that had crept out above the tree tops to eavesdrop on us. I didn't exactly want to tell him. In case he had chronic stalker tendencies that I didn't know about. Just so it wouldn't be awkward, I told him anyway.

"I don't usually jog here... I'm accompanying a friend." I nod, trying to keep eye contact. Its strange though. Its not everyday a half naked guy with interesting hair turns up in front of you to start a conversation.

"ah...I jog every other day." He gives a small grin. Got keep fit you know. Besides, I live around here. Around blk xxx. Where do you stay?" He shoots me an inquisitive look.

Oh dear. I think to myself. Maybe he really has stalker tendencies.
"ERM... 290?" I give a vague answer, trying to throw him off track. My whole estate is made of blk 290s the only difference between them is the alphabets that come after. i.e 290A, 290B, etc .

"290...What?" He asks. Oh dear. I really don't want to tell him. I figure he has to search the entire block if he wants to find me. I tell him anyway. In my mind, I'm praying he doesn't ask me anymore. It's starting to get awkward.

The conversation goes back and forth revolving around our lives.(I'm not going to tell you the details. You'd fall asleep and drool all over your CPU and cause a short circuit.) I find out he's a hairstylist who's working on contract with Monsoon now. Yes, I'm thinking what your thinking. Discounts for hair cut, dye, etc. I am after all, still human.

It turns out he's nice. I might go visit him later at the recruitment fair at JP. Hopefully I'll get his namecard or something. He's been in the same business for twenty years already. Might do me some good.

purple cows and barnyards

2006-11-16T20:07:00.000+08:00

"that. is. abosolutely. sexy." She proclaims.

How stumbling. I think to myself. How evil. How crude. How... nice. I cannot!
I shall not succumb to the desires of entertaining that thought in my head. Prevail, I must.

I must think of something else.
I love pencils.

-------------------------------------------
The lady at the photocopying room is utterly sweet. She has offered to dig up mountains of paper, to print the past year exam papers for me. Now she's offering me a thick wad of rough paper( of which i am very in need of). I am tempted to take it. I have run out of foolscap.

"How much.. is it?" I ask.
She laughs a silly laugh. "Nothing." she says. "Just take it."

I can't believe it. What a stroke of kindess.
I smile and feel that warmthness build up inside.

I glance back at her and take the paper with grateful hands.
For a brief moment,

she looks good in that shining armour.

oh! look at the sky!

2006-11-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

"Oh! look at the sky! its so oooOOOOoooo......" Bok Wee says.
His eyes obviously lost in awe.

I can't help, but agree. It's so beautiful. Its so wonderfully blue, it takes your mind to places your body can't reach.

It screams of forever and the clouds lumber slowly by. Like tractors, taking their own sweet time to move. Only a million times quieter.

I thank God silently.
Just for making the sky so depressingly beautiful.
-----------------------------------------

"I like your shirt." ET says."I like the brand(it's Nike), and the green is nice too!"
I'm happy for my shirt. It's nice to recieve compliments once in a while.

"How much is it?" ET asks."60? 70?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "my grandma bought it."

"Oh..." She exclaims, "...its priceless."
She smiles.

It's strage how some things have price tags and some things don't. Its like when I find something I like in a shopping mall, and its got no price tag on, I ask for the price. Its so automatic. So... normal.

Then suddenly there's something that can't be paid with in cash. It stumps me beyond logic. What strips the price tag off something? That makes it so special, ...it becomes "priceless"? Its so amazing. So...

a lot like

love.

sadistically statistics.

2006-11-16T13:24:00.000+08:00

Jon is horribly, irreversibly, undeniably, addicted to, and dependent on, coffee.
I'd prefer not to be, but its the only other legal drug out there besides cigarettes which burn a hole in your pockets and your lungs. Which is of course why I haven't taken them. They aren't good.

Anyway. Jason says coffee is made from Coco beans (i think he meant cocoa beans) which are harvested from coconut trees. What a nut. He's obviously got it all wrong. They're made from coco-pops. Those coffee beans you see on sale outside Starbucks or Coffee bean? They are barley seeds coated in cocopops. There are no such things as coffee beans. It is all a horrific lie. Stop buggering yourself.

I'm kidding.

Really. I need to be more pragmatic.

oh glorious glorious

2006-11-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

I love tang hoon. Espcially when Mummy cooks it.
Its utterly glorious.
its 12 midnight. and the tang hoon is going to lay waste to the 1 hours worth of running.

But i don't care.
Indulge i shall.

there's purple grass!

2006-11-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

"Its different now!" She exclaims.
"Its like... its like... there's no physics between us anymore." She cries.

"But.. shouldn't it be chemistry.. i mean like there's no chemistry between us anymore."He asks.

"See! YOu keep changing the subject on me, when I'm trying to tell you about our probelms." She cries.
and cries. He doesn't have a clue.

spiderman

2006-11-14T15:44:00.000+08:00

Oh. DAMN it.
The internet is bloody evil.

http://www.funny-games.biz/doublewires.html

I'm so annoyed by the game i can't stop playing . I got as far as 339.69yds
Evil i dare say.

Evil. Like Rena. She is making me fat on butterscotch chocolates.
If she didn't look so innocent she'd might be a witch living in a gingerbread house who's fattening kids to eat. oh bugger.

back to stats.

oh dear.

2006-11-13T21:50:00.000+08:00

I've been standing on cement for way too long.
I need to get out.

I tripped over a cow

2006-11-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

We were walking and talking.
For some strange reason, I didn't see the lampost in front of me.
For some strangER reason, SHE didn't see the lampost in front of me.
So i crashed headlong into it.

She laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed,
till tears rolled down her cheeks.

I couldn't decide which was more annoying:
She not warning me about the lamp post.
or..
The way she looked so pretty laughing, it made me want to do it again.

Thankfully, She's attached.
She ought to be.

Before someone gets seriously hurt.

eyes

2006-11-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

Her eyes seemed so dull. So...lifeless. I suppose she's tired, I think to myself. As My glance strolls over the features of her eyes, the brows, the deep dark wrinkles that stand out like cracks on a wall. She looks at me. I look quickly elsewhere. Its moral code.

I wonder what makes her eyes lifeless. Could it be they slope downwards toward the ends of her face, as if weighed down by some mysterious force? Another pair of eyes catch me off guard. This time belonging to a tall dark man.

There was something intriguing about his eyes. Something sinister. Maybe it was the dark bushy eyebrows that resembled an arched angry cat. His eyes weren't as sunken into his face as the old lady's. His pupils were a hazelnut brown and held a stare so deep, It could encompass the whole earth.

Then there was a little girl. The dainty bright little eyes that peered out behind a pair of white, thick-rimmed glasses. They were big, possibly due to the smallessness of her face, and so very, very full of life. She wrapped her tiny arms around the pole on the train carriage and swung round it. Her slightly brown locks of curly asian hair bounced and leaped in the air as if it had a mind of its own and landed, covering that pair of beautiful eyes. She paused, and brushed them back with her finger tips.

Then there was another pair, the ones of her mother's. She had plenty of white on her eyes and her pupil seemed to stand out like a cherry on an ice cream cone. The distant look in her eyes seem to suggest deep thought, or possibly tiredness? Her lips curled as her pursed them and the freckles were like stars on a cloudless night that sprawled across her cheeks.

Then another, yet another pair of eyes.They were all so very different. Some masked by long shiny lashes. Some sunken in like chips in a cookie. One or two were so handsome, you could get lost in them forever. Some were so dark and lifeless, that they held your stare and you could feel your own soul drain away.

Some were almond. Some round like coins. Each one told a different story. The range of whites to slightly yellows, the red veins that etched like vines across the eyes.

Yet, these were just eyes. What about hair? Nose? Mouth or lips or ears? It's amazing how people are so different. So different in just facial features alone. So much detail. So very individually special.

It is no wonder... why God loves them so much.

mugger

2006-11-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

I have become a mugger nut.

nonsense

2006-11-09T20:46:00.000+08:00

There is no girl.
in my life at the moment.
u muggers, teenage mutant ninja turtles, and hum buggers.

You obviously have been studying the wrong subject.
Please go study something else.
it'd be grand. thanks.

her

2006-11-09T16:21:00.000+08:00

This is very disturbing. The girl opposite me has been staring at me inbetween spaces of time.
I am pretending not to notice. But it gets harder and harder like some computer game.

Bernoulii's equation says: pressure... she is giving me pressure. I want to ask her wats up with the staring? Does she have obsesive compulsive staring syndrome..

WAIT.

do i know her? my mind is in a fizzle.

fluids.

2006-11-09T16:03:00.000+08:00

I am mugging my brains out in the wee nam library.
The fluid mechanics are going to wash my brains away to a far off dimensionless constant called k. hopefully it will be used to derive some equation of continutity for life. Hopefully. humbug. I

i shold start studying instead of trying to look mighty with my fluids txtbk an and end up blogging instead. great. study study.

2006-11-09T15:46:00.000+08:00

i am buried.

And i can't see for nuts.

going going gone.

2006-11-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

I am drowning in wrork lifeblu relationbulpships wkwdblup blup blup blup blup...

(I hope He saves me soon.)

nonsense. so much nonsense.

2006-11-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

It seems to me.
That people like nonsense. Or what comes of it.
I don't why but they do. Its possibly the same reason people like gossip or the same reason why people like trashy novels.
Which is perfectly fine with me. I'm full of it. (Nonsense of course. not trashy novels. For those who are nodding furiously, you ought to get shot.)

For this reason, it seems good enough to continue blogging all the crap out. So that someone out there can be happy. Besides, better out than in-side-out eh?

If you haven't the foggiest idea what is going on. Or are totally lost in this monologue of thoughts. I do hope you find a map, or a way out of this mess. Really. You shouldn't be here. OR wasting your time here. Unless you're in deep search of crap or what not. Then yes you've come to the right place. I sell loads of it by the tons of wanton.

Speaking of which, NTU's chicken rice stall sells very unfulfilling wanton mee. Its ridiculous. If you're the kind who can get full on half a bowl of rice, you're really amazing, and its the stall for you. The portions are happily miniscule.

The exams are back as you can see. Along with all the happy subjects and what not, come all the crap, and what not as well. And along with all the crap and what not, come happy people who love crap as well.

I still don't understand the whole lot about liking crap! You say. Well neither do i. It gives me fuzbumps. What are fuzbumps? I have no idea. Just trying to figure them out will give u mozburps. What are mozburps? Don't bother, or you'll really get something horribly incurable. Like curiousty. Which is particularly incurable. Why cure it anyway? I dont' know. Don't ask. it'd make you curious.

Which could possibly be why people love crap. It makes them curious about stuff they never thought about. Or maybe, that the sun perhaps should have risen form the north instead of the east. Maybe, if you change your bearings and screw up your compass it really wouldn't matter. Doesn't solve poverty does it? or the world's food health problems. Doesn't even make the sun happy. Or would it?

I can imagine the sun being awfully bored by now, watching the planets circulate around it. I wonder if it'll get fed up one day and implode or walk off to another galaxy and settle down with its significant other.
Perhaps.
One day.
It might.
Then we'll all go off spinning on the wrong axis and land in some hideously dark orb.
I hope not. For crapping out loud

Oh well back to confidence intervals and hypothesis testing. Ihave a obnoxious quiz tomorrow. I shall do very awfully bloody well. IF i can even survive the ordeal and manage to pen something done. Without being sacarstic in the process. humbug. to books.

exams.

2006-11-06T11:01:00.000+08:00

My brain involutarily has reached some sort of steady state diffusion. Which in material science terms, means that whatever i've been trying to get in has been coming out the other side. What, or where, is the other side? I haven't the atom of an idea. Which is buggerish.

Exams are in 9 days time and nothing is staying in. Oh dear. Which by Hypothesis testing, could possibly suggest that 1: I do have a brain but am not using it(Which is equal to not having a brain) OR 2: I really don't have a brain. By the likes of what has been going on. It seems that either one is likely as possible.

If I'm pretty sure that 95% of the time nothing is going in. Then I possibly could have a 95% chance of having no brain. Which is sad. But if i make that kind of assumption, I'd be making some sort of a horrible type one error. (in statistical terms) Which is rather dangerously serious conclusion in this case. Its the equivalent of saying a mung bean is a green bean just because the sample mean proves that its not a hotdog. Oh bummer. I need more samples of my brain.

I need more brain. Yes. Definately. More brains means more retention. More retention means more detention, and more detention means more dentures and more dentures mean... I'm growing old. OH DEAR. I just need more brain, not old age. More brains that the dinosaurs which happen to be extinct and definately more brains that an snowman. Speaking of which, Christmas is coming. oh good. Someone is getting baptised on Christmas. Yippee. :)

just too bad.

2006-11-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Memories that seem to cluster back to me. Like a trail of blood red ants. Thoughts of sex and what not. "Am I really that bad?" I question. "Is it really so hard?"

Its never been easy living life. Its not really easier. But somehow its different. Even though i still succumb to the dark sensual desires of my heart. Somehow. I know its wrong and yet i can't help but do it. Its like i'm dragging these heavy metal chains around me. I hate them, yet, come crawling for them to be placed on me. Like a garland of the olympic games.

They hurt and tear at my skin, as the guilt overwhelms and i feel so horrible. All this while knowing that there is still hope. Hope that there will be one day i can throw them down and walk off. I try to give them up but i can't. I can't.

The sky has been so damn bloody cold recently. I think the chills have seeped in my nerves and killed them. My knees are screaming and my head is spinning from a whirlpool of so many thoughts.Crying doesn't help and the tear stains just seem to have made permernant residence on my face.

I need help. seriously.

oh dear.

2006-10-25T17:18:00.000+08:00

oh dear oh dear oh dear.
i just realise that your blog is wiped off the net if you don't blog.
oh dear.

But i'm closing this blog right? i suppose i really shouldn't bother. or hummer. or bummer.
I like bumming. its fun. especially in the school lib. with all the muggers and typers and bloggers and.. and .. and. i need dinner. =/

Brainless

2006-06-16T17:40:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to blog.
How to blog.
or Why I should blog.

Thus,
This blog will be inactive until i'm involuntarily stressed.
Till then.

Abundant Grace

2006-06-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Oh. No. If you've been reading. I'm not exactly superbly upset about my cousin.
More comforted that her suffering has ended.

One bypass operation with plastic tubes to sustain her life?

I think its a lot better for her to go.
(thanks Nick.)

To those who have prayed. Thank you
To those who have shared my family's grief. Thank you too.
and don't worry about me, even though I'm maniacally depressed now.

just kidding. =)
thanks so much for the care and concern. Deeply deeply appreciated.

Grace

2006-06-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

My cousin has passed away.

Sigh.

2 minutes of silence please.

Grace.

2006-06-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

Went to the hospital today to visit my cousin. She's a premature born baby and the last I heard she went for bypass surgery the day before.

It was a last minute decision based on the fact that I figured it'd be good to go there and give emotional support praying for the child. (Their family is Catholic by the way.) So it wouldn't hurt doing that simple act. Besides she was my cousin, it was the least I could do.

It didn't help one bit that the rain tore down in sheets from the sky and rattled the roof of the taxi. It was as if the sky was weeping bitterly.

I walked into the airy hospital halls that smelt faintly of antiseptic. Doctors walked around with files in their hands and nurses whispered to each other. The Intensive Care Unit for Children had obnoxious paintings of animals which I found rather distasteful but was nothing compared to what I was about to see next.

I was unprepared for the sight. I was expecting a canister with a heater and a baby in it or something along that line. Apparently those science fiction flicks have left me stupidly naive. I stepped into the room and saw her. Horror, shock and pain tore up my spine and I shuddered.

"Dear God, why are there so many tubes coming out from the baby's nose?" More tubes hung from the sides and as I looked on, the baby shifted uncomfortably and tried to push the tubes that were lodged in her tiny nose away. There were a good six to seven tubes hanging from her body as she cried struggling from the pain. Then she fell asleep and stopped struggling.

As I watched I realized that I had lost all the strength to pray. I just couldn't stand the sight of seeing a baby in pain like that. I just didn't know what to do or what to do.

As we walked away form the intensive care unit, my mom told me in mandarin. That sometimes, just having a healthy body in itself should be considered a blessing. I recollected times when people asked me" Don't you wish you were taller?" And I would reply that it really didn't matter to me. But in those white hospital hallways clamoring with the echoes of beeping machines, I thanked God for my life.

As I sit here to write all this down. I can't help but remember her beautiful eyes, her wispy air Her soft whimpering cries for a mother's tender care and love. Only to realize that all that embraced her, were the cold unfeeling plastic tubes, from which her life hung, on the balance.
I can only pray. "Dear God, please make her alright. She's so beautiful."

Aiyoh. Kena tag.

2006-06-01T13:49:00.000+08:00

1. She must love God. This is a must. =)
2. She must NOT have a urge or any thoughts of eating EATing MY PETS!! *glares at the hungry-pet-eaters.*
3. She must be happily in love with me.
4. I must be madly in love with her.
5. (I'm stuck.) Beatiful eyes? Silky smooth hair? Yes nice eyes and hair.
6. (Okay. I'm really stuck.) She must like to exercise.
7. (hrrmmm... HMMMM..)
8. (Sigh.)

Ah. done. =)
The work of a genius indeed.
I'll arrow all of you later.

Durians

2006-05-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

My mom bought durian. We sat there for a silent couple of minutes. Deliciously Munching on the fleshy yellow fruit.

She says to me:"I bought it for 5 dollars." and points at the written price on the polysterene cover that screams, in loud blue marker ink- VERY GOOD DURIAN $$12.

"thats a really good buy." I comment. "the durians taste pretty good too."
"Yea." She says."I wouldn't buy it for 12 dollars. I'd be pretty angry if it was lousy."
I give a slight chuckle. If my mom was ever irritated, she had this amazing way of making the whole world irritated as well.

"..and they taste better if you're eating them with someone. So i waited for you to come home."

My mom and I are probably the only ones in the house who eat durian. Needless to sayI probably inherited her genes. OR she probably had a craving for durians when she was pregnant with me. Either way, the rest of the house detests them. But she's mom, so they can't say a thing. =)

But what struck me was. The gentle reminder that somethings are better off shared.
Be it the burdens in life, the pain, the sorrow and happiness.
Even food like durian.

Nothing much to say

2006-05-18T09:49:00.000+08:00

The mission blog is up. =)
No tag board though. I'll probably add it in later.

To the swimming pool then to school. Wait. I should swim in school.
yes. Now why didn't i think of that.

I wonder if its open.

Tag you're it.

2006-05-18T02:16:00.000+08:00

"You have been tagged." Was the curiously poisonous statement that sprawled across my screen.

"I have been what?... Tagged?" I feel perculiarly like an unhappy soft toy on sale who's got his ear pierced with a those funky plastic rings attached with the latest bar codes.

"You have been tagged!!" She replies quickly with a hint of irritation. "Go to my blog and you'll see what I mean."

I go to Ann's blog. And #$%&!!! I realize instantly what has just happened.
Great. Now I try my hardest to be optimistic.

Instructions:
Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do the survey.

(Really.I surprise myself with my obedience sometimes. )

1.Ann =.=''
2.Doreen
3.Andrea
4.Dan Chia
5. Ivan
6.Yang Qian
7. Mom
8.Enting
9.Jolene
10.Dan Ng
11.Ying Chiang
12.LiLing
13.Paul
14.Joshua
15.Caroline
16.Faith
17.Andrew Tang
18.Nicholas
19.YiYu
20.XueXin

(thinks: that was hard. thankfully its over.)

Questions:
1. How did you meet number 14?
Oh. He was my mission trip group mate.

2.What would you do if you had never met Number 1?
I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS PREDICAMENT!!!! Okay. nvm. I... er... Wouldn't have gotten to know about teddy Geiger and saving Jane and... All those fantastic artists so soon.

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated you?
(WHAT?!? Who is 20 and 9....?Crap. ahahah.. ANNnnnn...)
I think. I would be gay and happy. =/

4. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. *dies* er..... ERRRR...errrr....

5.Describe no.3
Oh. Her. haha. She's the ~~nitty-picky-reflective-tour-guide-shoe-wearing-excitable~~... NAH... kidding. =)
She's the girl with the laughing eyes and goes: "oh mummy!" when she slips and falls.

6.Do you think No.8 is attractive?
YES. VERY. Absolutely indefinitely undeniably pretty. (how's that for politically correct. =))
I'm going on mission trip with her. Do you honestly want me slaughtered? =/

7.Tell me something about No.7
Mommy! hahaa. She... She. Loves her discus more than me. =(

8.Do you know anything about no.12's family?
uh oh. nope. =P I shall have to find out.

9.What is no.8's favorite?
favorite what? Enting!!! wat's your favorite!?! *screams across a few HDB blocks*
I am assuming its God. haha. Yes. "A star" grade of an answer.

10.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
HAHa. I'd jump for joy. Seriously. After jumping, I'd confess that I probably like her too.

11. What language does 15 speak?
Caroline!? AHAHA. lemme think. This is a tough one. Not exactly sure, Sometimes it sounds like Italian, sometimes, Swahili with a bit of French.

12.Who is 9 going out with?
LOL. Jolene, you had better confess right NOW. ahhaa.

13.How old is 16 now?
22. =) eh no. eh... 21? Yah. 21. Birthday not yet over.

14.When was the las time u talked to 13?
Whoa. A couple of weeks ago. He's in Canada.

15.Who's 2's favorite singer?
Oh no. ahahah. Sam should know. I should go ask him. If he doesn't know. er. Good luck to him. hahaa

16.Would you date number 4?
(I'm desperately praying 4 is a girl as i scroll up.)
DANIEL CHIA.... Need I say more.....

17.Would you date 7?
yah. Shopping date. ahahah. The best. =)

18.is 15 single?
er. Yes. I think.

19.What's 10's last name?
Ng.=/ Next.

20.Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 11?
(I question my obedience to this survey again...)
Yes. I would.

21.What school does 3 go to?
NTU lah.

22.Where does 6 live?
Whoa. I don't know.

23.What's your favorite thing about number 5?
Haha. He's musically talented. Goodness lah..

Now to tag people. Again. Buggers. ahaha.... 5 is it? Sigh.
Andrea. Doreen. Dan Chia(my gay friend). YingChiang. Jolene the pangsai kia. hahaah
goodness.
It's over. Now to bombard Ann. >=(

A melody of raw emotions.

2006-05-18T01:15:00.000+08:00

I looked upon aimless clouds of people. Listening to the secular music that blasted overhead in Suntec City Mall. And it suddenly dawned upon me that I didn't want to go home.

The warm night air greeted me with a certain hostility, the bustling crowds with no solace. Yet despite these, I still wanted very much to linger outside. For a little longer. For a while more.

What was home to me, that I didn't want to be part of it? Was it a place of comfort in times of need? Or a place, constantly plagued with problems to solve? Was I trying to hide from these? or trying to run? Or was I desperately fumbling for peace? So many questions. So little answers.

The hearty laughter of Ah bengs in the street that rang out seemed so empty to me. A couple huddled in a corner of the dim lit street. A tinge of jealousy swiped me over, and something at the back of my head took over like a cold reprimanding discipline mistress.

I drew a long breath to heave a deep sigh then stuffed the remaining kaya toast in my mouth. My dry lips met the crusty bread with anticipation. My stomach growled for more.But no more food. None. At least till I am done thinking.

I knew somehow that I shouldn't be feeling this way. Not like I could really help it. Alright. Got s enough self pity for one day. shall look froward to tommorrow if it comes and will hopefully, it be better. YC's birthday, booking of driving test. Collecting my guitar. Till then.

Perhaps I'm writing so I don't have to feel it. A voice that speaks the language of my heart. A way in which my inner being can express himself. A way to accept. To see emotion in the eyes and embrace her.

My dad isn't feeling well. He's run off to Mac's again. Its not like him at all and honestly, I'm terribly worried. I know I should reach out to him. To tell him I love and care. But I'm afraid. Afraid that I won't be able to take the weight of the emotional baggage. Afraid that I would break down if he poured out his worries.

I realise I've grown to fear as well. To fear telling others I care. To become selfishly protecting myslef. Drawing a safe distance between those i love. Building high emotional walls. Keeping myself locked in an emotional cell. Because rejection is so painful. Sometimes a part of me wants to reach out to embrace the open wounds, to wrap them up to heal them. Yet something inside screams that it will hurt. That It will hurt long and terribly.

Like searching for warmth and comfort on a cold hard marble floor, Like getting your hand scalded with boiling water.

Then i look at myself. and I see all the mess. The wreckage of emotional war. I realize that I'm still very much afraid to come home. And very much afraid to love. Because something inside me still screams in pain. Which isn't right as well. Love isn't supposed to hurt.

Or is it? I wish I knew.

Idiotic Idioms.

2006-05-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

I realize I'm terrified of anonymous taggers on my tag board. I'm pondering if the smiley who posted a smiley is a person I know. Hello there.(yes you.) Keep smiling. Please leave your blog address next time. =] simply because I can't make heads or tails of a face.

My baby crayfish have died. I'm devastated beyond recognition. I was hoping to nuture them to teenage hood and find them good homes. (or as some of you pet-eating-people would say, good stomachs.) Oh well come to think of it, shan't be too sad. Its my fault for expecting. As the saying goes: Don't count your crayfish before they hatch.

My mom asked for a massage on her leg. And as I pulled and rubbed the swollen area near the ankle, I commented about the swelling's uncanny resemblence to a baobab tree. She went :"Really?!". To which I replied, "Nah. I was just pulling your leg."

I remembered I sprained my fingers once. Was so badly sprained I couldn't move them at all. (I swore off basket ball ever since.) The doctor had bandaged it to another finger to prevent it from moving. Anxious to play sports again, I asked the doctor:" How long will it take to heal?" He said with a straight face:" If it heals fast... About 2 weeks? Keep your fingers crossed."

"you know those terrorists? The ones that knocked down the twin towers?"
"erm,... Yea. What about them?"
"Well they should have gone straight to the white house and knocked it flat out."
"oook.... Why?"
"Well. It would be a lot easier if they went straight to the point and stopped beating around the bush."
"ahhh. I see. Hmmm..."

My friend dropped her phone onto muddy grass patch. She ran over to the rolling phone and picked it up.
"looks pretty clean to me." She comments. "Surprising indeed."
"Nah.." I reply. "Haven't u heard?... A rolling phone gathers no moss."

Questions

2006-05-10T12:06:00.000+08:00

When sitting in utter doubt
Thinking about what to do.
I ask God, and turn to you.
You tell me you don't know too.

So many things I do not understand.
So many things i wish i knew.
Sometimes. Somehow.
Till with this life I'm through.

Blue's the shade of the sky
Tingling is the color of the rainy wind
Like green carpets of grass.
And warthmess is the smile within.

What should I think Daddy,
Tell me what should I do.
I'ms still getting the butterflies,
Even though I'm here, with you.

hmm.

2006-05-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

Terribly tired.
Terribly drained.

Think I've fallen into a weird pit of stereotyping and can't get out. Oh well. AC boys will be AC boys. I hope things will turn out for the better. Talk to me soon please.

That was awfully random.

Sai Ling was fun today. Spent the Entire day with her. So glad. Makes me so utterly depressingly happy, just playing Ass-hole tai tee till 4 am before the Event.

This will be a busy week indeed. Shall be gone for camp again from Thursday till Saturday. Hope it will be swell. I'm swimming in procrastination and laziness has gotten the best of me. I shall... sleep.

Am already burnt a nice shade of brown from a long day out at sea. Hopefully, I won't be fairly negro from the camp when i go to church on Sunday. I pray not.

Caroline's Balloon is deflating steadfastly in my room. It's starting to look worryingly like a shiny floating prune. Still fighting the tiny urges to suck the helium and do an impersonations of the elections.

MI:3 was fantastic. There's so much action i couldn't take it. There's more action in MI:3 than there is wheat in coco-pops. okay... rather off topic.

Hmmm. ah yes.

warm-fuzzy-feeling-smile.

Work

2006-05-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

Okay. Enough is enough. It has suddenly dawned upon me that my lazing around has come to no good and I am in grave danger of self-inflicted extinction.

No more adsfklasghkdjhgej-ing attitude. No more giving in the to Lazy Man Action Party. No more usless to-do lists. yes. Reform!!! Merdeka!! My brain screams.

A DO-IT-NOW list.
1. Do a nice background for Caroline.
2. Pack tommorrow and the next day's sailing bag.
3. Do something about the injections tommorrow for fear it might clash with meeting my beloved Sai Ling

Good three. Three is my favourite number. An easy number to comple..t..
Crap. oh bummer. need to call Andrea about the FOC things. (Brain has started to run amok like a Spider with Parkinsons.)

4. Call Andrea to confirm FOC meeting date.

Okay. Enough. Or I'll never get anything done.
Vote for the Workaholics Party. Yes. Indeed i shall.

Tired.

2006-05-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

Was talking to Andrea and she told me that her eye-candy looked like the type too stream into mechanical engineering. So since I was planning to stream into that particular field, I could along the way make friends with him and intro her to him and you know the rest.
(are u still reading?)

I'm slightly offended. Ha. Pesposterous indeed. Like pompous little promfrets from Pompeii. I feel like a majestic pawn in someone's conquest for love. But being the fantabulous (fantastically fabulous) friend that Andrea is, and being the stupendously nice guy that I am, I have decided to help her for a small fee of a pint of Ben & Jerrys.

Yes.
Jon Lame's Matchmaking agency.
True love is only an ice-cream away.

But why am I slightly offended? Because I have sworn off eye-candies. Yes. I shall tell you the story.
It happened one fateful day when we were studying at national library. Then appeared this beautiful girl. One with flowy hair and brown eyes and a grace so dramatic it would blow you off your feet. (okay.. Never mind. Imagine the pretty girl of your dreams.)

It was love at first sight. At least until her hip-hip-pretty-face-of-a-stupid-dancer-boyfriend appeared and gave her a peck on the cheek. The moment he put her arms round her waist felt exactly like the moment you turn your head to see a pair of bright headlights to the time u close your eyes waiting for impact.

Needless to say, I swore off eye-candies.

Anyhow just washed my tank. Its getting so late I'm actually early.(like that made any sense.)
I sat there scrubbing the thing for a whole 10 minutes and when I finally got up, the pins and needles had gathered on my leg as if for an important voodoo convention and I almost fell over like a bowling pin.

"wah lau." I muttered under my breath.
Simultaneously, my brain went: "heng sia, never fall down."

thank God for friction.

Fish tank.

2006-05-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

Just went all the way to Bras Pasar to collect my 2 Ft tank. Man. What a journey.

I rung the doorbell and a rather tall and slightly muscular man opened the door. The guy was so amazingly tall, that if he had any head lice, they would have needed oxygen masks.
He smiled a big-friendly-giant smile and said:" you must be here for the tank." The smile put me at ease and I returned a smile and took a step forward to peeked into his house.

(Note:Any one who has a house in the middle of the city is ridiculously rich. Even if he owns a 3 room flat and hardly any furniture. It'll be still worth your while to at least take a peek of the house.)

So I took a step, accidentally kicked a concrete tile, momentarily lost my balance and I caught a glimpse of the interior. Promptly realizing three very important things:

Point 1: That fellow had a enormous tank in the middle of the living room. It was so big it could have housed a happy baby hippo.
Point 2: The man wasn't so tall after all. His floor was two steps higher than where I was standing. I realized cuz I missed the step and kicked it.
Point 3: My toe hurt.

I stood at the entrance of his house gaping at his tank like a silly dead fish. "Oh shit. That's a big tank". Those were the first words out of my mouth. I must have sounded like a yeti from Tibet, who had never seen an escalator before. He grinned a modest smile :"Aiyah. Nothing much lah. haha. Here's the tank." He pointed at the thing on the floor.

I was still staring at the tank when I noticed something move in the background. Then it moved in front of the huge tank. It was a woman. She had a angry/irritated look on her face. Possibly angry at the fact that someone had ignored her over a fish tank or possibly because she was having an important conversation and I had barged in on them.

Minutes later I was out on the road trying to drag the cumbersome fish tank to the MRT. Mind you, that thing weighs close to a ton. I could feel my muscles turning into really old rubber bands and my bones into over boiled spaghetti. I did a very tricky balancing act to get through the gantry at the MRT which surprised a lot of onlookers. (I should have charged them for the performance. ) By the time I put down the tank onto the platform floor My hands were trembling like washing machines on full spin.

Then I noticed everyone staring at me. I checked to ensure I had zipped up, before starting to feel very small and out of place, like a frog in a tank of piranhas. I hid myself at the end of the train like a crab in the sand and tried to make myself inconspicuous.

The bus ride produced the exact same frog-in-a-piranha-tank feeling and I was never more glad to reach home. By that time, my hands were trembling so hard I could have played the piano without bothering.

Then I realized a most ridiculous thing. I did nothing on my to-do-list. This is annoying. Its like making new year resolutions that you don't keep. The only one I did was the one which had "important" next to it. I shall either have to swear off making to-do lists or to put an "Important!" next to all of them.

ho hum.

Argh.

2006-05-02T15:17:00.000+08:00

My mom has commanded me to clean up my room. She thinks its such an obnoxious pigsty that even flies would find it detestable to live in. Which happens to work for me. I don't like flies.

Anyhow, I tried to procrastinate(as always.) and she went" The cleaner your room, the more money I'll give you for your mission trip." yuck. I don't know what to think. Possibly bribery? Or blackmail? I can't tell the difference.

Anyhow, I realize after trying to clean, that I have too many soft toys. This is frustrating. I need to find somewhere to put all of them.( AND NO soft toys for Christmas or birthdays or what nots. I don't want anymore. You can give me something disgustingly useful. Just no soft toys.)

Hhmm. The menial task is killing me. I shall run from the pigsty.

Jolene has to clean her shelf. I retorted that her's was a negligible task considering the scale of the cleaning. Not to be outdone, She complained that her room was actually composed of a shelf and no tables. She lives in a shelf. I'm amazed. This is her theory:

She says that we all live in Shelves. (HDB- Highly Developed Bookshelves.) And that the walls between each unit are actually book ends. That pillows Television sets carpets, etc are all stationary like paper and erasers. I'm thoroughly blown away by this bizarre idea. That girl is a genius.

Sometimes.Somehow.

2006-05-02T12:18:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i know you're upset.
And you hide the feelings from me.
But I can still feel it bright and crisp
like a pin prick on the feet.

I just wish you'd tell me
whatever had gone wrong.
I promise I won't get angry
Just don't want your indifference to last so long.

The randomness of Some things

2006-05-01T15:25:00.000+08:00

When I found out I was
no longer in your life,
My world came crashing down.
And i wonder to myself.

Oh why did i fall in love with the girl
With the bright brown eyes and the pony tail.
With the broken smile and the lashes
that curled like the beauty of dawn.

I saw you the other day with your arms
around his neck and a smile on your face.
Radiant with the glow of happiness
Brighter than the stars that guide the sailors.
I knew i had to let it all go.

Oh why did i fall in love with that girl.
With the bright brown eyes and the pony tail.
With a touch so gentle, the world would stall
And a heart more wondeful than fall.
Oh why.
oh why.
Did i fall in love with her at all.

Simply Thoughts.

2006-04-30T16:39:00.000+08:00

This is the current Book i am reading. Yes. As you can can very vividly see, the exams have made me nuttier than squirrel shit. And because I have forgotten how to bum, i have turned to this book. Clever ain't it. =)

"To do nothing," as Oscar Wilde said,

"is the most difficult thing in the world."

Material Science

2006-04-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

A big thanks to all of you who have prayed for me today. The paper wasn't as bad as i had expected it to be.
I'm Glad. Thank God. =)

Its all About You.

2006-04-27T13:46:00.000+08:00

Don't know what to say to make you laugh.
Don't know what to do to make you smile.
Don't know how to be myself.
When you're around me.

Just wish you would keep that smile.
Never let the tears roll down your face.
I remember the sparkle in your eyes,
the music in your voice.
Carrying them with me, from place to place.

Don't know what to make
for your next birthday,
don't know what to do to make you stay,
Don't ever want to hear you say
I've hurt you in any way.

Perhaps I've done things unforgivable.
Maybe its things that I've said.
All the broken pieces of our past.
Are thrown up and forgotten,
When you smile and say "It's okay."

Its all about you.
I want to see your smile,
hear your laughter.
Be there when u cry.
So that i can wipe those tears away
to see those wonderful eyes.

Something wonderfully Sinister

2006-04-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

I came back home, and saw Pain sitting on my bedsheets with Frustration lazing in his lap.
"Here to stay again?" I asked. A little bewildered.
"Yep, the last guy killed himself. So there wasn't really any point in staying. " He gazed a painful look.

"Screaming with a voice I cannot find,
desperately trying to be someone I'm not.
Drinking the salty tears that flood the eyes.
And fighting to hold the flurry of thoughts.
Like the deepness of the transcient night."

"Staying for long?" I asked casually as I removed my socks and threw them one side.
"Wellllll... Maybe for a couple of days. Then I'll go off to look for some poly kid. School has just started. "He stroked Frustration lightly on the cheek and she giggled childishly.

"Well. How are you feeling?" He queried.
"rather obnoxious. If you must know. Never felt more nauseous."
"Aw. Come on. Cheer up. I'm here with you till the exams end." He grinned and gave Frustration a wink. She had been flinging my books off the table. She stopped to look at him and gave a hearty laugh.

"Pain and Frustration frolicking upon the bed
woven beautifully of precious shame and guilt.
Adding to the lonely fragile wreckage,
of deep ecstatic emotional baggage
That is suppose to make me."

"Well. Since you're here.. You want anything to drink?" I sigh.
"Beer? Alcohol?" he ponders.
"alright." I reply as I head out of my room. "That can be arranged. Anything else?"

Frustration looks me in the eyes. She gleams."Get him anything. Anything to ease the pain."

"A silent solace in the darkness that I hide.
Admist the life of strife and pain.
From the blinding reality of failed expectation,
I pray, please do not let my heart be torn apart.

in vain."

Ahhh i hate Boolean logic.

2006-04-23T18:16:00.000+08:00

(x-x)(x+x) = (x-x)(x+x)
x^2-x^2= (x-x)(x+x)
x(x-x)= (x-x)(x+x)
x=(x+x)
Let x = 1
1=2?

haha. wat the heck. physics.
This is befuddling.

10 mins later....

Ah HAH! i solved it. haha good. i'm so proud of myself. ahaha

Jokes part 2

2006-04-23T17:50:00.000+08:00

Q:What do you call a Tuna being Interrogated?
A: A"Grilled" Tuna

Q:Why did the chiken cross the road.
A: His fellow chiken coughed.

Q: What word starts with "E ends with "e" and has only one letter?
A: Envelope.

Q:What do you call a pig doing karate?
A:Pork Chop

Q:Why couldn't the young boy watch the pirate movie?
A:Because it was ARRRRR Rated!

Q:Would you use to paint the sun and the wind....?
A: The sun rose, and the wind blue.

Question: If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

My favourite website

2006-04-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

http://jonathan.youaremighty.com/

Just change my name to yours in the above link.
have fun.

New ton.

2006-04-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

This is rather distressing. Simplifying distressing. I've read the physics text a couple of thousand times and still don't understand it. Distressing indeed. Like a penguin in the Sahara. Poor penguin.

I wonder how Newton came up with those laws. One thing I'm pretty sure is, he definitely wasn't sitting in front of the computer blogging away. I should stop blogging. Its a milestone to my Nobel prize winning. He also probably wasn't on MSN talking to girls as well. I shall stop that too. There. That should do it. Now I think I'm set.

oh wait. A tree! I need a tree to sit under. Many great men sat under trees when they thought of great ideas....

*Note to Nick: when u move into your new house. You can paint a tree on one of the walls so u can "Sit" under it. Do tell me if you reach enlightenment. I'd repaint my entire room.

Picky. Nitty bitty picky

2006-04-22T15:52:00.000+08:00

Nick says women are picky. haha. Cuz I mentioned that someone's a picky girl. (someone. haha.)
(With Nick sitting beside me. And Kim opposite me. )
The conversation went like this:
Me: " she's a little bit picky. But she's nice. really. A different girl."
Nick:"Aren't all women picky?"
Me" No what... Not all.. At least. I don't think so.."
Nick AND Kim:" ..ALL WOMEN ARE PICKy."

Kim:" You mean you DIDN'T KNOW?!."

This has led me to discover that perhaps, I have been living on pulau hantu for the last 2 decades. I had. No. Idea. If it was just Nick, I would've taken it with a pinch of salt. But Kim too...? This is rather disturbing. I must update my library of general knowledge before it becomes the architect of my demise.

Another mystery to add to the knowledge I have about women. Which is close to nothing BUT its growing. So well. Swell.

Then I went out with Nick after the paper and he said that it wasn't a bad thing that girls were picky. (oh yes. The paper was horrible, I tell you. Worse than stale bread.)
That if the girls weren't picky . The world might pretty much be "any old how". Since guys were "any old how" most of the time. I have to agree.

Now I have an excuse to be "any old how."

better. sigh.

2006-04-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

Ann's nice. she tried to send me this picture of Mr Bean super-imposed onto Mona Lisa's picture.
haha. thanks girl. The picture didn't work though, i have it already(from jolene). But the thought that someone cared did. I'm cheered up already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People, are perhaps the weirdest things life can offer.
Sometimes it takes so little to make someone happy. So little to make someone sad.
Somtimes all it takes is a listening ear, to make a whole lot of difference.

I never did quite understood how it worked. Or why God had perhaps wired us in such a profound way.

"But i didn't do much." you reply with a laugh.
"you heard me out.. and that's enough." I smiled.

When i think back about the times i lent my ears to someone else. It really didn't seem like much and i start pondering after i put the phone down. If the person on the other side of the line, is really really alright.

Until now perhaps i realise. It really does makes all the difference.
Between a mile and a mere metre.
Between the world in its universe.

Thanks for hearing me out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister is really adorable.
I told her about my traumatising paper. She told me she said she TOTALLY understood how i felt.
Stupidly, I was mopping rather badly in my sorrow and despair and didn't hear her, till she leaned over and whispered in my ear.

In this tiny barely audible voice:
" I got 10/50 for my A math."

I looked at her in utter bewilderment and disbelief.How? oh man... poor thing...

But it did it.
My frown turned to a smile, which unbearably broke into a grin.
I bit my lip(my cheeks still tight from smiling) and told her "its okay.".

then she grinned at me, and replied.
"ya. its okay for you too."

I gave her a hug. She did in return.
It felt tons better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Math

2006-04-19T13:26:00.000+08:00

That was the most horrendously incredulously horrible paper i have ever taken in my life. I've never felt stupider, lets just put it that way.
Flipped the first two pages of the paper, realised i couldn't do a sum, panic-ed and promptly forogt all that i had learnt in the past 4 four weeks of pre-exam studying.

I've never had a panic attack before. Honestly. Its rather traumatic. But its okay. nothing i can't deal with. oh well lifescience next.

*Mental note to self: Shall stop talking to smart idiots. They make you depressed. Stay away from people until the end of exams. =/

Dream

2006-04-18T09:37:00.000+08:00

"You know me." The figure smugly sat there and stared at me with glassy eyes.

"No i don't." I felt a hard lump in my throat. He looked so familiarly disturbing. So disturbingly familiar.

"Yes you do. I'm a part of you that you can't reconcile with." The staring intensified.

I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I stood there rooted, unable to move. I looked at the Figure that stood before me. It can't be. I stared some more. Shifting my eyes all over the place taking in bits of details.

"I refuse to believe all this. What makes you so sure... That you're a part of me.?!"
It was so oddly strange i just could not take it all in. The ugliness of the man, the way he was so queer and annoying. The way he just stared into you eyes. The way he was that people could never accept him. I couldn't take it.

"You know i'm part of you. Part of you that you can't accept. Part of you. That which you can't deal with. That which you throw away, push back, to hide in the dusty corners of your mind." THe figure got up to walk closer to me.

I just could not accept it. I snapped and woke up, gasping for breath. So very very exhausted.

I don't know what to make of this. I suppose i have to learn to forgive myself once again.

to-do-list.

2006-04-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

AH hah!
away with the bumming and away with the i-wish-i-had-done-this-and-that-hogwash-humbug-ding-dong-bell-mentality-of-a-washed-out-spider-bitten-ninja-turtle-monkey-king-of-a-stupid-procrastinating-mentality.

a To-do-list!
I am a genius!!!

now to put it into action.
after the exams of course. =)

Crap.Loads of Censorship

2006-04-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

I finished up the coffee. Or. Whatever was left of that obnoxious liquid. It came from one of the coffee shops in Jurong. Its so stupendously bad I think a cockroach would die drinking it. Ah well.. I need the caffeine badly.

Back to studying with Adeline(I have invariably changed the names to protect the people involved.)She's bursting to talk. Which isn't exactly delectable since I'm trying to cramm stuff into my head. But I'm saturated to the point of crystallization so I give in anyway.

It never fails to amuse her to talk about BGR(Boy Girl Relationship). The way she suddenly comes to life before you when the topic is brought up is amazing. Almost phenomenal. She starts to fill me in on the latest bits of juicy scandals that are humming around like flies to a rotten banana. And I can't say I'd like to join in myself and divulge some secrets of my own.

Only I don't. If there's one thing I've learnt: Gossip is probably the only thing that travels faster than light.

So I'm there, absorbing bits of information. And forming silly little opinions of people. (Which is very wrong of me) And I start to wonder about my personal love life.
This is rather disturbing. Doubting my self-worth. Disturbing indeed.

I've recently met this girl. (I can picture all of you suddenly sitting up in your seats =/)

She's been fabulous. The conversations I've had with her are fantastic. Only problem is she's mildly vegetarian. I once laughed at a friend who fell in love with a vegetarian. The funny part is that he's almost carnivorous. (Must've evolved from a T-Rex or something.) And they say like poles attract. Well this one takes the cake.

Yes I have digressed rather badly. Back to the girl. I haven't confessed that I love food.(or have I?)Well. Frankly IF I didn't believe in Christianity, Gluttony be my new religion. And Now I have to meet a girl who's wildly into vegetables. Ha... Oh no. He's gonna sooooo... gonna laugh at me. (That friend has gotten an omnivore of a girl the last time I heard. Yes. So he's SOO gonna laugh.)

I have suddenly decided to not talk about the girl for fear the paparazzi will appear at my door. And my friends will squeeze every single bit of detail out from me like a ripe pimple. I will not succumb to all your insistent probing. Ha. I shall run to Beirut. haha

Enough of the idle chatter. To books!

Jokes.

2006-04-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

Q: Why could the invisible man be seen after his wife gave birth?
A: He became apparent. ie a parent

Q:How many feet are in a yard?
A:Three. or depends how many people are in it.

Q:What did the tree say to the bird?
A: Leaf me alone.

Q:What is the thinnest book in the world?
A:The book titled "What men know about women."

Q: Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
A:Because the middle is the scenter.

Q:What is the most inquisitive state?
A:WHYoming.

Q:How does the pilot get from one floor to the next?
A:He takes the flight of steps.

Q: How did the letter E drown?
A:when a man was drowning and calling for "HEEEEELLLLPPP"
"HEEEEELLLLL"
"HEEEEEEE"
"HEEEEEE"
"EEEEE"
"EEE"
"EE.....blop,blop,blop,blop"
That's the way E drowned
or
E was in the middle of the sEa.

Q: What is the noisiest book in your house?
A: The YELL-ow pages.

Q:How do u get a blonde onto the roof?
A: Tell her the drinks are on the house.

ahhhh!! enough. hahaha.
back to studies.=)

The baby.

2006-04-15T15:28:00.000+08:00

She's been puffing her cheeks at me for the past half hour.

I wonder what makes her do that. Does it give her a sense of achievement? Does she have Dissociative Identity Disorder and thinks she's perhaps a puffer fish?? Or maybe she's been watching too much power puff girls... maybe.

Its rather distracting. The pretty girls. The juicy Beef-fantastic meals... all the distractions. But this one tops the charts. The single one-~~man~~ baby distraction.

I wonder which moron taught her that. Its very distracting.
I have this strange compelling urge to pinch those adorable cheeks.

perhaps i'm abnormal.
or paedophilic.
ah well. stop thinking and do some work jon. =/

Have a break. have a...?!?

2006-04-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

I ate the kit kat in the fridge.
It was too depressingly tempting. The dark velvety chocolate surface was peeking out of the wrapper in such a passive aggresive way i simply had to eat it.

If I find anymore, they are going to be happily gobbled up by me.
At the rate i'm going, I'm gonna ballon up like a
schizophrenic pufferfish.

haha. i like that phrase.
Yes. it shall be the thought of the day. =)
together with:

as envious as the grass.

good. Study time. =)

Blogging.

2006-04-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

Blogging has become rather dead. Simply because i see no point in complaining about the foul mouthed ah lians(female gangsters) who sit in Macs just to swear.
I'll not complain about the ant that persisted in landing on me whilst i studied.
or even.. Maybe...

The sort to rant about the horrid buzzing fly.
or the sort who kisses a baobab tree.
Though I'd pretty much rather,
Be racing a hamster on an eating spree.

I'd much rather have fishes in MacDonald.
Than those silly chimpanzees.
I'd much rather have more brain cells.
And possibly a lot of money.

I'd rather much have Jesus.
Yes please Thanks. Really.
Better than the stupid insurance.
And no need for paper back guarantee! =)

I'd want happiness to grow on trees.
And you could throw depression into the sea. (makes it more blue.)
I'd also wish for world peace.
Just to make those buggers happy.

Alright. Okay.
Back to the mugging like a flea.
I hope i survive this round.
So you all won't miss me.

...too badly. =)

HAHaha!
Narcissistic-EGomaniac-of-a-nut-of-a-macdonald-camping-jon.
signing out.

Thankful

2006-04-15T01:03:00.000+08:00

I'm thankful more than ever.
More thankful than i was for the wind in my hair when i looked up at the sky.
More thankful for the birds that serenaded a tune as they flew by.
More thankful than simple words
Could ever describe.

I know You're in charge of my life.
You're there in the darkest times, when I falter and I doubt.
Though i wish You weren't so quiet.
When i'm hurting terribly and i'm crying aloud.

You were there when the storm clouds gathered.
You were there during the wind and the rain.
You were there when i faltered
and slipped and doubted.
Because of all the pain.

You gave me more than i could ever ask for.
I just pray you don't stop loving me.
Now i understand how those people could have loved you.
I understand all you've put them through.

Just wanna say thanks to...

God. You're running the camp. I can tell. =) Dan Ng just said he felt the message wasn't long enough!! wow. haha. I love u so much.

The comm members. Who have put in so much effort. I'll organise a BBQ after my exams. u can come over and have settlers. =) I promise.

Eddie Lim. (you probably won't read my blog). For speaking to the youths despite such short notice. Thanks.

You're all very appreciated. I'm not good with thanking people. ITs rather embarressing. haha

Bummer.

2006-04-13T12:46:00.000+08:00

I feel like such a quack.
Simply beacause i was supposed to study yesterday and did EVERYthing else but that.

So i shall boost my deflated ego simply because I believe optimists lead healthier lives. I swam 30 laps in 25 mins today!!! HAHA *round of incredulously loud and long applause* comapared to the previous 20 laps in 30 mins. This is a big jump. A couple laps closer to the Charity 3km swim(if there is one...)!!

I need to reduce the amount of time in the pool. A 3km swim would take about an hour(at the sad rate i'm going.) So when i'm out of the pool, I'd be as wrinkled as a century old prune. Not a very glad sight, i might say. (Don't want to be kidnapped for pre-mature aging research.)

Yes i shall leave for the national library soon to study.

And yes. All your people should stop reading.. go WORK!! *ahem ahem* or STUDY!! *cough cough cough* (no i don't have pneumonia.)

Or at leaset get yourselves treated of chronic busybody-itis. You are all busy, i'm pretty convinced and you all have bodies( that I'm ABSOLUTELY sure.). Hence all of you are busy bodies. (If there's anything i've learnt in life. Don't argue with a quack.)

HAha. just kidding. I'm sure you are all very concerned about my current life... oOOr have nothing better to do. I'd much prefer the latter. So since you all love me so much. I have posted the pinky and brain (not brian) and Animaniacs.

oh yea..
love you guys too.

And You.
Even though i'm busy busy busy.
I pray I'll never be too busy for You.
in hopes...
You'll not too busy for me too. =)

Pinky And the Brain

2006-04-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Animaniacs! again. hahaa

2006-04-12T21:32:00.000+08:00

Garfield

2006-04-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

Feelings.

2006-04-12T11:57:00.000+08:00

Sad is a flower,
who's never seen the sun.
Fear is being stuck in a corner.
and unable to run.

Happy is a bird,
Singing in the trees.
Itchy is a dog,
who's back is full of fleas.

Curious is a toddler
who has just seen TV.
Jealous is a barren woman.
Hot is the taste of Wasabe.

Warmth is a cuppa milo
On a lazy day that's rainy,
Ecstacy is the kisses from a love one,
Never far too many.

Heavy is the elephant,
I think it weighs a ton.
And stress is knowing,
you've a million things undone.

i'm stressed. I think most of u can tell.
ahahah...

Heavy is the elephant.

Woke up too early

2006-04-12T09:00:00.000+08:00

Woke up today to a dizzy misty morning. Supposed to take my dad's car to his office to study but ended up having a mountain of a breakfast with him and landing up in my school library. Don't ask me why or how. I'm still wondering myself too.

The incredible amount of food and lack of sleep has left me so sleepy, I've used an entire box of matches just trying to prop those heavy eyelids open. The extent I go to when i need to cramm information in is amazing.

Anyhow, was just reading a book on eyes. Or the study of it. It seems... that you might be able to tell a person's character by reading the features, color, brows, eye lids, etc. Which i think is a bunch of hogwash but still befuddles my inquisitive mind anyway.

According to the book. If you roll your eyes back and measure the amount of white that can be seen, then rolling your eyes down and measuring again. It is actually a good measure of hypnotizablity. More white= more hypnotizable. I'm not sure about how true this whole thingamajig theory really is.(Can't believe everything you read nowadays... because life has taught me to be skeptical.)

Anyhow. Confession: I've been trying self-hypnosis. Reason being, i hear it might actually improve studies.(Haha...I see some raised eyebrows.)

Its fairly simple actually. According to some psychologists,we are always getting ourselves into a trance. Like how we do something repetive and afterward try to recall if we've done it. I think they are refering to drifting into a semi-conscious state.( I haven't the foggiest idea. I'm not a psychologist.)

Based on that we can induce a learning technique based on a simple form of eye fixation described by James Braid.
"Pick a spot on the wall above the eye level that you can gaze at, so your eyes have to go up. As you do this now, jsut let your mind... relax. Notice that in a matter of moments, as you focus on that single spot, you begin to allow your awareness to expand outward in the periphery, if fact, you are sharply aware of the things on the left side of the periperhal vision... and now, the things on the right side of your peripheral vision... as you stay focus on the spot."

This enables the "Learning state". After this is achieved. Lower the eyes down on to the teacher or the board. According to some evidence, This technique actually synchronizes the two hemispheres of the brain.

To be honest. I've tried it and all i've gotten was a deep sense of relaxation, a higher ablity to concentrate and one or two eye cramps.( Didn't know those stupid things could cramp up.) Perhaps I'm low on the hypnotizablity scale. oh well. Can't ask for the sky can we. >_<

I need a coffee badly and perhaps some rock music to jolt my senses.
Back to the books.

What? Apa Ini?

2006-04-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

Overheard this at KFC today.

Lady: "set 2."
Counter guy: "ok."
lady: "da bao." ("da bao" means to take away in chinese.)

Counter guy: "huh?"
lady: "da bao!"(starts to give an irritated look.)
Counter guy: "what? sorry...?"

The customer starts to get reallly frantic.
lady:"DA BAO. DA BAO!!!!"

The counter guy is rather taken aback by the sudden influx of foreign language and turns to ask his friend about what she had just said.

Counter guy: " She said she wants err... da bor."("da bor" is hokkien for male.)
Counter girl: "da bor?!" (look of bewilderment.)

She ponders upon this interesting fact for a while then focuses onto the lady at the counter who apparently has gone quite hysterical.

lady( frantically waving her arms): " DAAA BAO! DA BAO!"
Counter girl: "oh... she means da bao. Its takeaway."

The counter guy procedes to take out plastic bags which seem to have a very calming effect on the exhausted lady.

I'm terribly amused.
Whilst My friend Andrew is trying pathetically to stifle his laughs.

Note: The lady is a Chinese national, the counter guy is an indian and the counter girl is chinese.

Kampong Boy.

2006-04-10T10:36:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i dream of running away to far off places. To places with 360 degrees of wonderful blue sky, unetched by tall skycskrapers or by planes in the clouds. To places where the streams of buffalos run, to waterfalls or to busy rivers.

To see the blue birds serenade a tune, to see the snow fall gently on a window sill.

I want to run from the familiar cafes that serve hot tea, the dusty concrete walks and toilets with horrendous fees. To run from fast food chains that have sprouted all over, to run from the malls and busy working professionals. To run from the construction sites that plague the city. To run from the teenage delinquents that hide at nooks and crannies.
To run to a place with no sense of time.(no insane schedules)

To swim in the rivers that flow. To watch the fireflies in their glow. To walk endless beaches filled with powdery sand, just to satisfy the gaps between the toes. To place where i can catch my breath from the crazy city life. Only to lose it again. To a beautiful sunrise.

And when i'm finally done, from all that running( I shall be tremendously fit and have a body of a greek god so I can then get the girl of my dreams.) I shall settle down and hopefully get married.
Wipe the dust off my shoes and possibly be, thankful for the city. But until then.

okok... so i love animaniacs...

2006-04-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

Animaniacs

2006-04-07T20:56:00.000+08:00

Animaniacs

2006-04-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

Funny

2006-04-07T03:22:00.000+08:00

Informationi

JonLame is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

From Go-Quiz.com

Psychology

2006-04-07T01:12:00.002+08:00

Here is one of the reasons why I love psychology.

but before that... Here's a glimpse of how pyshcologists understand Biological Disorders(as far I am taught, just so you'd understand what I am about to share.)

Classifying Abnormal Behaviour (DSM-IV):
Axis I: Clinical Disorder
Axis II: PersonalityDisorders and mental retardation
Axis III: General Medical Conditions
Axis IV: Psychosocial and Environmentl problems
Axisv: Current level fo functioning.

Now for...

Psycho analysis of Gollum:

The main idea that is floating around.

It is generally believed: that gollum was classified as...

Axis I: Schizophrenia, Paranoid Type
They believe that he displayed characteristics of being schizo, like namely thinking that others are so jealous of his speacial characteristics. Hence, they felt threatened by these characteristics that they spy and plot against him. (delusions of persecusion)
Axis II: Personality Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified)
That he had Anti social and narcissistic features. The way he refused to trust anyone, the way he wanted to kill the rest by leading them into a trap, etc.
Axis III: Deferred to physician.
Axis IV Proabably had problems with praimary support group, occupational problems, other problems associated with the social environment.
Axis V: GAF 11
I think its pretty self explanatory.

The British Medical Journal :
Suggests that he perhaps had
Axis I: Paranoid Schizophrenia.
Axis II: Schizoid

My lecturer thinks:
Axis I: "substance" dependance.
That perhaps he was addicted to a drug (the ring) of some sort which caused him to behave in the way he did.
Axis II: Boderline Personality Disorder.
Axis III: Deferred to physician. Question of thyroid problem given the size of his eyes.
Axis IV: Problems with primary support group, other problems related to the social environment.
Axis V: GAF 18

Wat i think:
Axis I: Anxiety Disorder
Axis II: Dissociative identity disorder(was formerly known as multiple personality disorder)
AxisIII: Anorexia, hair loss and possibly scurvey.
Axis IV: Problems with social support group.
Axis V: GAF 8

oh yes... here's a little clip on Gollum.

haha i think its alittle messy.
Will furthur elaborate when i get some reading done.

LandMug in a library

2006-04-05T13:55:00.000+08:00

In the library now.
Trying to get some information into my silly head.

Shall try my very best not to get a brainfreeze.

He answered!

2006-04-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

He answered my prayers today. I shall blog before i forget. Again.
Was swimming in the School Pool, when dark clouds started to loom above my head as if to gaze at the very voluptious caucasian who happen to be sun-bathing. Then from beneath the water's surface i saw tiny circular ripples.

"Dear God please don't let it rain, later so i can get to the library. Or just let it rain abit so i can stay cool when i walk to the library later."

When i hopped out of the pool. Much to the amusement of the lifeguards. (Apparently, he had shouted at one of his friends and all the swimmers had taken it as a lightning warning.) It had already started to pour.

I went to shower and when i was done, the rain continued relentlessly as i laced my shoes. I finished, stepped out from under the shelter and the rain suddenly reduced to a trickle.

I walked across to the bus stop knowing my God had answered me.

And That's how i know he lives.

The piano

2006-03-31T21:03:00.000+08:00

I never really gave a thought to that piano that sat in a corner of my house. Only that it welled up guilty memories within me. As a child, I wanted to play the piano. As I watched the piano players on television, I yearned to be one of them. To be able to make music and the bask in the applause and admiration of my audience.

I heard Andrea's recording today, both her and Shirleen singing and playing the piano. The music I can't say, was perhaps one of the most treacherous pieces I've ever heard. Yet despite the horribly off tune notes that were sung to the accompaniment of a dog and the piano, a different tune was played. I heard the song of happiness. A song that leapt from note to note, that chuckled with each smothered giggle. That teased, with each burst of laughter.

Then I understood why that piano stood in my house.

I understood because I remember, that as a child, whenever I'm smiled or laughed, my Dad's face would light up. Very much like the faint glow of a kerosene lamp. His eyes would shrink to half their size and the wrinkles would gather, as if to watch a show. That was happiness. In love.
And that was how I understood it.

Perhaps my bouts of childish laughter or the sad little eyes that yearned for a piano had melted his heart. I remember him asking me if I was very sure I wanted to learn. I would nod and flash one of my biggest grins and he would smile and nod his head.

I never went past grade one.

Looking at the piano, that sits in the hallway. I wonder if I should take it up again. Yet, would I have time? I know right now that God had never given me the gift of music. It was never in me to compose or to play. I had a different gift.

The gift to make those around me happy.
Maybe that's why he bought it for me.

The piano sits.
Neglected in my hallway.
Perhaps.
One day,
someone will play.

God of physics and everything.

2006-03-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

I was horrified. I couldn't do a single question. Not a single one.

I glanced at the physics question before me. I knew how to do it. Just not at that point in time.

and desperately i prayed:

"God!! What is the formula for bouyancy??!"

The guy next to me strained his eyebrows and gave me a disapproving glance.
He must have thought i was swearing or something.

I didn't really care.. cuz from the back of my head. I recalled something like .... weight of fluid displaced....

I don't think God approves of cheating.
But he's just glad to help those who seek after him. =)