Far away

Everytime I blog here, I feel somewhat far away from God. (Yes, Christians can feel that way too. We're not angels u know=) )

I starting to wonder where I had left my life behind. Before I came to know Christ. Its like walking away from Eygpt, so hard yet so delievering. From being blissfully unaware of being miserable to being acutely aware of how terribly miserable I really am, without God.

I guess that is the reason i haven't left my faith. When something makes an impact on me, I want to hold on to it because it becomes all I have. When questions creep in, like the sunlight on a lazy saturday morning, "Would I have been a good dancer and live a life of glamour?", or "would i have many more girlfriends?" (and a whole lot of screwed up realtionships.) "Would I be who i wanted to be, if i hadn't walked away?"

Maybe I would have. Maybe... I would have failed. I don't know for sure. Does happiness come from chasing pretty rainbows?

The only thing i know now. Is that the old life i used to live cannot contain...
what I know now.