Lost.

Humans are vessels. the containers of emotions, thoughts, dreams... Beliefs.

My innermost thoughts: To lose myself.

Why? i ask myself. Because i want To make space for other things in my life.
Isn't there enough space for evrything. I realise not.

its painful cuz.... you've spent all your life. Trying so hard to be unique, trying so hard to be different. trying to be that someone, that you never really were... just wishing that u would be.

And all of a sudden. you have to lose yourself. to wash all that ego and selfishness down the drain, just because arrogance has ingrained itself so deeply within you, it hurts to rip it out.

One thing i've realised. is that i've grown to be like my dad. Which is something i might not like.
Its not that he's bad or anything. He's just nice.Well.. i don't know.

when you've lost yourself, you start to panic in search of all the fallen pieces. Doing things u crave, or running off to do something. In hopes of gluing the broken shards of your life together.
Wats the point. i ask myself. of making myself someone, when at the end of the day.... Death is going to equalize us all. Everybody has to die someday. The unique, the impaired, the pretty, the ugly, blown away like dandelions in the breeze.

But the difference i realise.. is the life u lived. The tiny pathetic unnoticeable dash between the dates on a tombstone. While some pple continue to walk in our lifes even after they've left. Others just fade off.... like the breath on a mirror.

I just wished it be easier. then again...
I guess... i... turn in for now. its late.

jon.

HahAha

As the Gibbon was saying. I'll get butterflies in my tumy if i eat catterpillars. Which to a certain extent is pretty logical. =/
anyway. . .
Things i'll MISS when i ORD.

1. Pay- the fact that i can bum around and still get paid.
2. The swimming pool- gosh.. iwish i could carry it off with me.
3. the panda in the office..

P.S. yes gibbon... i'll miss u too... hahaha..

Cemetry

Ok that was hell funny.
there was this fella who was dead drunk on his way home. he staggered and clambered and eventually by some horrid misplaced luck fell into an open grave with a dead man in it.
He tried his best , despite his drunk state to jump and pull himself out. After trying for a hour, he slumps to the side and settles himself down, deciding he's tried enuff for the night.

Just then, this other drunk fella comes along and plops in next to him. To his amusement, the fella does exactly the smae thing and strats jumping trying to get out. Deciding to help his fellow comrade, he walks over and taps the fella on the shoulder. "you'll nvr make it man.. don't bother trying.."

The punch line is.. the 2nd fella made it out.

dun geddit...?? he was so scared he jumped right out...
its a poem.. i've to find the original...
^^
cheers
jon

Lunch... ugh

Mondays. Should come with a warning sign,
Having lunch in the office. Got caught in the loaveble rain along the way here.It was a particularly nice rain. The kind that pops out of no where just to suprise the innocent passerbys with its spray. The kind of rain u'd wish u were at home sleeping with, not walking in. It happily came down in sheets and beat mercilessly on me.The rain makes me wonder if someone upatairs agrees with me to come to work.

Anyway. this is a blog about my lunch. not the rain that appeared at the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time.or at the right place and right time only i was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Think its the latter. I nvr really like the rain at work.Its depressing. ESp on mondays.

ugh.. lunch yes.. lunch. Wad could be so utterly horrid... worst come to worst the food could be so ridiculously bad you'd hvae spasms and swear off food for the next couple of years. Which i believe, at this point of time was half true. To make matters any better.. it contained ingredients in it which i didn't like.

I eat alot of things for a human. My mom used to say that at a young age i could chew on lettuce leaves pretty much like a cow. and the best part was i was pretty content with it. Not that i craved vegetables or i was a born vegetarian. I just loved to eat.. its a curse i think. If u knew me well.. there isn't anything i don't eat... WELL.. almost anything.

This particularly fateful day however, i had in my diet, a catterpillar. yes. u heard me. a live crawling one... how the hell it got in, i hadn't the foggiest idea. must had agreed with me that cai xin leaves are fantastic and decided to hop in the join the meal. Needless to say, due to the horrendous cooking it died a pitiful death. ugh, i wish that thing had less legs. It was a bright yellow piece a.. @##%$ about 4 cm in length with tiny little dots running along its back.

i lost my appetite there for a moment. Then i thought to myself.

I love food, i told u before. chocolates, sashimi, pasta rice, noodles. watever.. so lopng as its fantastic, i'll eat it. no questions asked. I had even considering trying insects. When i went to bangkok, trying the fried grasshoppers was on my agenda, only sadly i couldn't find them.

Yes.. i know wat you're thinking. I finished that packet of rice. Like wat the hell... its only a catterpillar. it would probably be edible anyway. Of course... i didn't eat the catterpillar. To my dear, yes.. i'll wash my mouth with listerine ten times over and sterilize it before sharing any food with u.

ugh. Mondays.

love
jon

P.S i didn't eat the catterpillar lah... morons...

life in SAF

Sigh.
Its one of those days in the office when u just wanna sit around and do nothing. but simply can't because your boss is breathing down your back and you're supposedly harworking.
Jonathan!!"! My Chief Clerk screams. I waltz over in hopes to appear cheerful on a dreadfully blue monday. "Wat's 47 +23??" i feel my half-dead brain slowly begin to whir and churn in order to answer her hideously complicated question. "Is it 70?" she asks again in a half dazed manner.
WAT?!!? i think to myself. One thing i cannot stand is the fact that people can ask u a question and then give u the answer on the spot. If by some amazing revelation u know the answer to YOUR question. Then please do not toture me with hideously complicated questions on a detrimentally blue monday. If u ask me, its the equivalent of asking me if the color of a red-brick wall is the color of red bricks. It is obviously not. The color of a red brick wall is blue. Really. These people.

But of course, being unfortunately blessed to be working in the service side and even more fortunate to be of mediocre rank. I return a painful smile and say "Yes. It is 70....."and before i can complete my sentance she pops out. "Then wad is 56 + 2 + 17? Its 75 right?" she asks again. still in that half dazed stance.
OMG.... she did it again.. just like that!!!..

Being the typical Singapore Citizen with absolutely very little patience i reply her again. This time with a Can-you-please-stop-ans-your-own-questions sigh.

This actually carries on for quite a while, she asking and answering her own questions and me saying yes to everything. Finally she seems to be content and laughs happily. Oblivious to the fact that she had just tortured me for the past hour.

Ugh. Why they have sadistic women in the airforce is beyond my wildest imagination. Really,One fine day I'll come up with a thesis on it soon, most probably before i ORD. But not during the monsoon season.The rain is depressing.

I was hoping it would end there. For a very brief moment it did. Then it didn't. "How's the updating of data going?" "Erm... i think its absoulte bull manure and bird droppings." I resist the reply. "Its fine. Really.. only i think we're doing it wrong." Hmm??.. How so? Well, i then procede to explain to her the tedious procedures of the very advancely complicated filing system. And by the time i'm done i'm horribly out of breath and on the brink of exhaustion. She's lost completely in her own thoughts and her wrinkes are gathering like the folds on beadsheets. And mind u, its only a filing system. Then she happily replies me that yea, she wonderfully comprehends that its probably the wrong way to do it but i should just carry on.
"WHAT?!" i gap at her in amazement like a dead goldfish.

Another thing i can't stand is that people insist on doing things despite the fact that they know its heinously wrong. Its like climbing a coconut tree to search for mangos. But the punch line is you realise that its a coconut tree but u still insist on climbing it. Absurd.

"Aiyah.. mai hiam lah.. the most eat coconut loh dun eat mango.." My college replies me and shrugs his shoulders in a really-can't-be-bothered manner. Gosh. Why i even bother talking to people who haven't finished evolving is beyond me. He shd have just stayed in the stupid trees. Even better, he shouldn't have even left the seas. Which brings me to the point about evolution. I'm starting to believe the people who started this army buisness must haf evolved form ants. Its kinda like people who build dams probably came from beavers etc. The whole idea appeals to me. Only thing i don't believe in evoultion.

Sigh. I look at him in a your-logic-is-beyond-comprehension way and drop my shoulders in exsaperation. "So what do u suggest? Would u do it?" I ask. The moment the words left my mouth i knew it. Why.

There are many things that u say in a day. There are those beatiful greetings that warm people's hearts, meticolous comments which help people, crappy suggestions to brigthen somone's day and there are things which only after blabbering u wish u had never said. That question, apparantly fell in that very category.

"Just do loh. She say one mah." What a Lunatic. That was my verdict. What happened to school?? What happen to the times they taught u to think? What happened to the years of education ploughing through books like cattle and copying the homework?? What happened to all that??Just like that, as if it didn't exsist. You cease to think.

Sigh. I drag my already-badly-dragged-around shoes. "Would you be so kind as to let me redo the entire system? If it really isn't too much trouble." I look at her with every ounce of strength i have left in my straggly body. Oh no.

One thing I learnt in life. Never, Ever, EVER argue with women. Especially women in their forties and unmarried. You will not - and CANNOT - win.
"You free is it? Don't mind you type this out for me!" She dumps a wad of sheets on me, and leaves for her meeting. For that moment, I wished so hard I was permernantly mute.

your's Jon =D

Some background:Jonathan works in an office with a 23 year old gibbon like human, a 60-year old dinosaur, and an absolutely daft chief clerk who thinks that NSFs should be passionately serving the nation. Who are, all in all, nice people to work with. =)
This was written purely out of exasperation, as an outlet of my innermost frustration in trying to communicate to a gibbon. Any coincidental resemblance is deeply regretted, alongside the unforgivable speelling errrors. You can reply but refrain form killing me.