The piano

I never really gave a thought to that piano that sat in a corner of my house. Only that it welled up guilty memories within me. As a child, I wanted to play the piano. As I watched the piano players on television, I yearned to be one of them. To be able to make music and the bask in the applause and admiration of my audience.

I heard Andrea's recording today, both her and Shirleen singing and playing the piano. The music I can't say, was perhaps one of the most treacherous pieces I've ever heard. Yet despite the horribly off tune notes that were sung to the accompaniment of a dog and the piano, a different tune was played. I heard the song of happiness. A song that leapt from note to note, that chuckled with each smothered giggle. That teased, with each burst of laughter.

Then I understood why that piano stood in my house.

I understood because I remember, that as a child, whenever I'm smiled or laughed, my Dad's face would light up. Very much like the faint glow of a kerosene lamp. His eyes would shrink to half their size and the wrinkles would gather, as if to watch a show. That was happiness. In love.
And that was how I understood it.

Perhaps my bouts of childish laughter or the sad little eyes that yearned for a piano had melted his heart. I remember him asking me if I was very sure I wanted to learn. I would nod and flash one of my biggest grins and he would smile and nod his head.

I never went past grade one.

Looking at the piano, that sits in the hallway. I wonder if I should take it up again. Yet, would I have time? I know right now that God had never given me the gift of music. It was never in me to compose or to play. I had a different gift.

The gift to make those around me happy.
Maybe that's why he bought it for me.

The piano sits.
Neglected in my hallway.
Perhaps.
One day,
someone will play.

God of physics and everything.

I was horrified. I couldn't do a single question. Not a single one.

I glanced at the physics question before me. I knew how to do it. Just not at that point in time.

and desperately i prayed:

"God!! What is the formula for bouyancy??!"


The guy next to me strained his eyebrows and gave me a disapproving glance.
He must have thought i was swearing or something.


I didn't really care.. cuz from the back of my head. I recalled something like .... weight of fluid displaced....

I don't think God approves of cheating.
But he's just glad to help those who seek after him. =)

Anthropology

Just finished reading Anthropology and a hundred other stories by Dan Rhode

Its so beautifully written. You should all go and get a copy and read it straight away.
Rating: 8.5/10

An excerpt: (I hope he doesn't mind. Its wonderfully written.)

---------------------------
Trick
My girlfriend told me she had been the victim of nature's cruellest trick, that although born male she had always felt female. She said she had started dressing in women's clothes at the age of seventeen, and three years later had undergone the necessary surgery. I was stunned, but told her that I loved her first and foremost as a person, that i would give her all the emotional support she needed. She looked horrified. She had only been joking. She left me. She said she was going to find a real man, not some queer little gayboy like me.

And panic tore...

across my entire being as if it were late for an important meeting.

I'm writing this before my physics test.
If there was anyway of describing "dead", I'd be it.
Three quizzes back to back with a half a buket of head knowledge would cause even the most stable compounds to break out in cold electron sweat. Not to mention a human with half a brain.

I'd be pretty happy if my brain had fully disintegrated or migrated to Manhatten(I hear its a nice place. then again... anyplace else is nice when you've got exams.) for that matter.
At least, I wouldn't be able to comprehend or register my dire situation.

Yet, now all i have is half a brain. Why half? Cuz some of the hardworking ones died in the cold physics war. Whilst others lost their lives valiantly to the study of life science and the remaining got creamed to death by psychology. Which leaves me.. sadly... with the lazy brain cells.
All this.. in a bid, to still enable me to panic
as per normal.

(We shall now take a 5 second break as i panic. )

Where were we? Yes. No brain. Ahhh. IF i had no brain. It'd be quite the gay. Oblivious to the impending doom and in a pure state of mental bliss. Only to eat sleep and perhaps have sex.
But for now. Lets make do with this half a brain.. shall we?


This was the lazy half a brain.

signing out.

New One liner Diary

I got a new blog to type my thought. well... Actually siLly Lines For All Random Thoughts.
or better known as A.L.L.F.A.R.T.

It all started cuz my friend started this blog hosting company and the website is still in the beta stage and he wants me to test it despite the fact that i'm still having exams and i'm busier than a very busy bee but i still agreed to help him since he's my friend and we should all help our friends and as i was saying the blog was started for me to test it for him or something along that line so please do give me any feedback of sorts and it'll be greatly appreaciated.

Here it is. click here

I need to know.

I need to know my heart is right.
I need to know that it is in Your will for me.

I'm so lost. So terrified.

What if i'm going to Thailand for the wrong reasons.

Having a burdern for Thaliand just doesn't seem good enough.
when I heard that it was Thailand, i was overjoyed. But when i heard it was Pattaya. And that it was a tourist attraction. And the whole idea of going to a tourist attraction and reaching out to China tourists, sounded abit off to me.

If it didn't sound right to me, how was i going to be accountable to people who were going to send me.

I told D about it. He laughed as if it was an absurd idea. To go to the Thailand and reach to tourists? locals would be fine and dandy. But tourists?

(I guess alot of you reading this, would have ran off by now. Its okay. i just need to ramble.)

I need to know its Your will. Lest i falter.

I want to be there to work for You.
And i'm afraid, what if, at the end of the day, I lose my head in the clouds.
And fail to see that its been You who has pulled me through all this.

I'm accountable to the people who have sent me there.
To the people who have kept me in their prayers.
To the team that will be there with me.
And mostly.
To a God who will judge me by the fruits of my labour.

I can't write the reason why i want to go for the mission trip. All i know was when the staff from Thailand came to me.
He told me this:"You dance very well.(I was flattered) You should come to Thailand to help. The people need God there."

They need You.
and so do I.

White words.

(Highlight to read)
Can't always wish for sunshine,
Or hope the rain doesn't come.
Can't always wake up hoping
That the day won't be glum.

When the day just seems to get worse
And the grey skies seem to stay.
When all you want to do is curse and swear.
And perhaps maybe run far away.

cheer up u old chum,
Cuz life isn't all that fair
just drink some rum.
And your pain and sorrow i'll share.

Lets hum.

how...do You do it..

How is it You can make the seasons arrive on time,
The dew to form on the flowers or leaves.
To make moon and sun just rise and shine,
And to grow the new leaves on the trees.

How is it You never forget to water the plants
Or to raise the tides in the sea.
I'm so amazed because i can't
even handle somethings less than these.

Can you teach me please,
how You keep the Northern Star in its place.
Or could You make time just cease,
and grant me some more grace.

I'm rather distraught,
I pray You hear my plea.
For I'm so lost without You.
like a plank of wood out at sea.

drifting only to be
battered,
torn
and withered away.

Quietness.

There is a beauty in silence
that charms the soul within
It replenishes wat has been spent
Before the will grows thin.

A certain ring to it.
Or maybe a symphony?
Not alot, perhaps just a bit.
Will ease the heart of many.

I sat on the bus one afternoon,
With my best friend just beside
Exchanged not a word or tune.
Or the day's short comings to confide.

Yet it felt like we had talked

a lifetime.

forget it.

Forgetfulness.
Isn't good.
Espcially when the exams are looming.

but it isn't all that bad either.

so i can't remember
all the pain
that I'm going

through.

Lame. Simply Lame.

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I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

This is sad.

My parents have left me.

To fend for myself in this urban Island of Singapore

to get eaten by the local cannibals and get fed to the local mosquitos.

and they run away to a sunny nice place in Thailand.


My mom just called.

And the first question she asked was.


"how's the fish?"


I'm stunned. Beyond my wildest imagination.

She left me all alone. To fend for myself and she didn't even ask if i was still alive.
She asked. "How was the fish?"

I can feel my value plummeting faster than the stocks. Apparently my worth is no more than a couple of Discus.
ME! me. Good-at-spending-money-one-and-only-son-me.

replaced by a couple of discus.

Humbug indeed.

Thanks.

(click to enlarge)








You've been a wonderful encouragement to me.

Certified

I have been Cerified by Kerosene Bear. =)

Something Beautiful

This is a song for anyone whose ever been
Knocked down and can't get back again
Stuck inthe corner, and cant move foward
All alone and you think you're going nowhere
This is a song for anyone whos ever stood
Underneath the sun
And felt so small two feet tall and so out of place
He sees you- He knows you- He loves you
And he wants you to know that

The life you've been living the days that
You've been givenWere made for something Beautiful
Life- Dont let it pass you by
Because you were created for something Beautiful

Heaven holds a dream thats just for you
And there are things only you can do
So step By faith, put the past away
It'll take you to a better day

Second to Minute to hour to life
Time always seems to fly
It's on the go and before you know
Your days are throughBut he sees you- He knows you- he loves you
And he wants you to know that

The life you've been living the days that
You've been given
Were made for something Beautiful
Life- Dont let it pass you by
Because you were created for something Beautiful

What are - you waiting for
What are you - waiting for
What - are you waithing for

-Something Beautiful by Natalie Grant

why.

So many things have happened in the past three hours.

1.Some ah lian created trouble for us while we were setting up the booth for DVC.

2. My mom packed my table. You have no idea how traumatic that is for me.

3. My sister is throwing one of her tantrums again.

I need to get out of the house now.
Before i end up in an Asylum.
>.<

so far.

So far. You've been with me. I can feel it.
In all the important decisions i've made in the past weeks. You've been there.
I don't know how to say it..but I can't do without you.

All the crazy meetings. All the crazy positions. Things i'd never dream i'd be capable of handling. I'm not equipped at all.

I feel like i've been thrown into a raging sea only to lose the will to swim anymore and start to drown. With all the water rushing into my mouth and the saltiness starts to overwhelm my senses.

I can feel You lift me out of the water.

To breathe...once more.

You softly tell me you're near. And you ask me where my faith is. And if my faith is only anchored to the pleasant times i've had.

The rooster crows.... And i feel so unworthy. again.
And i start fighting for my life. In that raging sea again.


You can take the world away from me... but give me Jesus.

Small.

My mom was telling me about the times when i was small.

About how i used to wonder into the garden, or "sneak", so she called it and play with her precious plants.

About how I'd try to pluck the still developing snow peas and end up uprooting the entire vine.

or plucking the unripe tomatos to try and plant them.

Of course being extra careful to plant them with half sticking out of the soil so i'd remember where i'd left them.

Then after i was done i'd be catching wood lice. She claims i called them potato bugs. haha.. not a very scientific way of naming, i suppose. oh well i was small.. 2-4 years?

My mom loved her gardern and i grew to love nature itself too.
The ripening of brightly colored fruits, the blooming of flowers, the dance of butterflies and the curling up of very frightened potato bugs. =)

Thank You. For these beautiful things in my life.

promise?

"I'm sorry that I hurt you
I took for granted all you gave so freely to me
I prayed it's not too late
To save you from a broken heart
To promise you
I'll make a brand new start
Believe me when i say"

The test papers sat in a corner on the desk. Staring colding at the assessment books that lay close by. A small boy sat in his seat frowning like a irritated 50 year old man.
His test was next week and he knew nothing.

He didn't want to be punished again. If he prayed.. would it help? I mean God is a fair God. He could've jolly well given u the punishment you so very deserved. Or Maybe, if.. he took pity this time.

*You are all that I need
The only treasure I see
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night
When I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need*

And desperately the boy prayed:" Dear God, if you help me do really well this time, I promise I'll do my QT EVERYday for the rest of my life."

The days went by, the results came out and the boy passed with flying colors.

"When no one far from perfect
Like a child that needs a guiding hand
Can you stay here with me
I finally understand
You've always been the missing part
Complete the jigsaw puzzle of my heart
Please hear me when i say"

One fine day, the boy realised.. to his utmost horror. He didn't do his QT.

And he told God. "I'm sorry I'lll make it up to you, by doing extra QT today."

"Please let me hear your voice again
Let me hear you say your love will never end
That whatever it takes you'll be there
When I say"
-"All that i Need" by Corrinne May

The boy grew into a teen, then a young adult. Thinking back, he realised...
That promises weren't made to be broken or to be taken lightly.