I love u. i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u. love u. : )

Dire need

Meta

The beauty of a heart's desire to be loved, by one, so great.

A heart filled with confusion and dread.
"What was it going to be like?"I sat on the bed and wondered to myself. I couldn't sleep that night. My mind was racing, my heart was pounding. Anticipating. Something i didn't know
would be life changing.

I learnt so many things. I learnt that i was loved.
More loved than i could have ever asked for.
More forgiven than i could have ever allow myself to be.
And broken. Like a twig.
Into pieces.

These pieces were then picked up and placed into a soft spot of earth and carefully rearranged.

A child stared silently at the twigs. Not knowing what to make of it. It didn't seem to make any sense. But he knew he had to let go.

Then the twigs were lit. Everything that surrounded burst into a faint glow that danced with the fire that cackled and swayed gently into the cold night breeze. The warmth of the flames kissed the frost chilled cheeks and clasped the hands.

Tears carefully formed and rimmed his eyes. He knew now.

That child is me. The twigs are the representation of past my life that i could not understand, could not control and had simply carried with me where ever i had gone.

I had to learn to simply let go. So simple yet so profound. So easily said, So difficult to do.

To let go of some of the twigs i had carried for the past 14 years of my life. Those i had picked up along the way. Even recent ones.

A glass of water can be a very easy thing to hold. That is if u hold it for a couple of hours. Then it will start to weigh down like a sandbag and ache the weary arms. After a day, it'll eat you like a wild animal and even two hands aren't enough to keep holding.

The very twig that i had been carrying for 14 years,was as heavy as a log.

And he had taken it from me.
Upon his own shoulders.


The boy stared quietly behind the curtains of tear-stained eyes. His hands covered in bark and mud. His clothes riddled with pieces of the twigs that he had once bore.

His father carefully pulled off the splinters that had clung on to his clothes, wiped the tears from his eyes. Picked him up...

And hugged him.
=======================
Moments with u last for eternity.

Sometimes.

Sometimes i wish and pray and hope
for things that i didn't own,
and when i didn't get them, i'd sit and mope
Without realising I didn't really need tham at all!

Did he write it in the stars for me,
Did he whisper in the winds for me?
Did he brush the sadness off my cheeks
With the warmthness of the Sun for me.

When i run, my mind runs through my life with me.
And he sheds thoughts like the lights from the lamps.
On to the streets or the paths he'd meant me to be.
And i begin see where i've fallen, limped and collapsed.

I asked

Most Richly Blessed
(Prayer of an Unknown Confederate Soldier)

I asked God for strength, that i might achieve,
I was made weak, that i might learn to humbly obey...

I asked for health that i might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that i might do better things...

I asked for Riches that i might be happy,
I was given poverty that i might be wise...

I asked for power that i might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness that i might feel the need for God...

I asked for all things, that i might enjoy life,
I was given life, that i might enjoy all things...

I got nothing that i had asked for - but everything that
i had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoiled prayers were
answered.

I am among all men, most Richly Blessed

-Author Unknown
=======================
Moments with u last for eternity.

Junior Camp

I'll post pictures when I'm done reinstalling the software for my phone. >.< for now, please bear with me.

A memory so clear, Very absoultely clearly, that i prayed for something i needed badly.

I desperately prayed very much to have more self control. If there was anything i wanted in the world now, it be self control. (Cuz i was convinced just a few weeks ago that my laziness would be the death of me.)

I was thinking perhaps God was happy with my decision and was hoping that he'd grant it to me with a snap. But he kept immensely silent.( Someone told me that when God is silent. It means that there is something, that you haven't done. Or perhaps i've done something wrong.) But i persistantly carried on in my silliness.

ThenI went to camp with a heart seasoned with laziness and contempt. Laziness because i thought that my praying had me covered and contempt because i had some notoriously horrible children in my group to teach.

The first day was fine.

Then came the second day. Things got so out of hand that i remember very vividly, my assistants screaming at the kids and nagging at me to be more strict with them. That's when i woke up to it. I attended the end of day meeting burdened with a heart in need of desperate help and i pleaded to God to help me.

Then he came and raked up a lesson i would never forget. A leader will always be a role model for the group. If you're lazy it shows. If you're confident, it shows. Kids can see through it. If i wanted Discipline for my group, it had to start with me.

The third day i woke up early (as much as i didn't want to) sat in the front with the kids, came early for everything. I guess i saw God's hand moving through it all and the kids obeyed overnight. Maybe they had sensed the change in me. Maybe God had changed them. They came together and gel-ed for the first time. Then my eyes opened.

I remembered praying for self control. But this wasn't wat i had expected to recieve. I'm immensely grateful. Because he answered me.

I'm grateful for the lessons learnt,the wonderful darling assistants who took over when my strength had given away, and some of the encouraging children who were the distant glimmer of hope when i had fallen into a pit of despair.

P.S I've been told that i'm being missed. Its a tremendously wonderful feeling like having a mudpie on a chocolate craving. I miss my elephat too!! haha sorry for making u the bad guy. haha. love u lots.

Growing up.

Somehow, somewhere. When I grew up I learnt new things. Gave up old habits and made new resolutions. And uncovered horrible truths.

One horrible truth was that I couldn't expect people to accept me for who I was. I used to think that if people didn't like the way I handled things, they could all just bugger off and mind their own business. I mean are they so entirely perfect that they cannot accept another person's faults?

I realised much later that these things did matter and the only thing that changed was my perception of things. A realization that perhaps it was an ugly fact that people can't accept others or see others as they truly are beneath the physical bodies. And the thing that had changed, was that it DID matter to me. It mattered more because it would affect my job, the friends I made and most importantly, shape the person I was to become.

People used to tell me. (they still do. =/) "Oh you'll find someone who'll love u for who you are." Which I have come to realise, is a rather silly statement. It holds as much truth as a coin can hold water. To actually understand someone, to know that person for who he/she really is requires, proximity, close contact and sharing of personal secrets etc. These things won't happen unless that person is forced to find out about you, happens to hear about you or simply is interested in you. And just wat in how many percent chance is that if you're a quiet and unattractive individual.

Then again, God has his ways and I thank him for that. Though I pretty much want to know how he wired our brains.

hehehehe.

Today was fantastic. Yes. Utterly happily bombastic fantastic. So ridiculously fantastic, I'm running out of words to describe it. (I happen to own a pathetic library of vocabulary, so please do bear with me). You're still here? Amazing.

Visited this really cosy cafe called Settlers.(if you don't know about it) Its happily lodged away at the edge of Holland Village across the carpark from Swensens. It engulfs you in a feeling of homeliness with staff so warm and friendly I wouldn't have minded working there myself.

I actually ran a little late cuz I missed the bus stop. I reached and with the three of them there already, we played Jenga. (I'm starting to wonder if I have a mild case of Parkinson's. I lost all the rounds. Bullocks!! >.<)

Then the birthday girl arrived. I've to admit she looks pretty fantastic. The done up eyebrows, the copper red hair and all. Dazzling. The picture in her blog certainly didn't do her any justice. (sorry babe =))

Played games, games and more games. Never played so many games at one shot in my life. Cranium, Taboo, I'm the boss, halli gali. Had tons of fun. Before we knew it, laughter, fun and exhileration had robbed us of our wonderful time and we had to leave.

(If there was any time i had wished that the day had lasted longer, it be today. I'd give all the mushroom crisps in the world to do it again.)

Drea wanted to buy Mushroom crisps while we were waiting for the bill. I've never seen anyone so bent on buying anything in my life. She's the first. Her eyes were glued( or i think cement-ed would be more accurate.) to the packet on the shelf. Very much like the security cameras you see in banks, only she was more intense. (I swear i almost saw the mushroom crisps shift uncomfortably in her stare.)

Note* Mushroom crisps are exquisitly tasty things. They taste like roasted mushrooms( and are of course very very mushroomy in smell). I'd recommend it so long as you're not allergic to fungi OR if you hate mushrooms. In which case, they will definately not be your cup of tea( or in this case, bag of mushrooms.)

Met this girl called Hannah(a close friend of theirs). She's very friendly. So friendly, in fact, she would've made a Eskimo in the middle of the Sahara feel completely at ease.

I'm still stuck happy. Going to sail tommorrow. I adore sailing.
Though I hope I don't die by drifting to Timbaktu and getting eaten by the local Cannibals. Or drifted to Antartica and get fed to the killer whales.

IF in case i do, you must know... I love u all. Very very much.

Am so glad i was invited today. ahah. so glad. Wonderful company. Pretty, Crazy, Lovely Company. *grin grin grin grin grin*

cheerios people. and merry christmas.
-jon
PS. ANd AND.. Someone said i looked good in a shirt. AHha. you don't know how much that meant to me. thanks sweetie.

poem

and of course.. the over due poem.

Ice-cream van

Ice-cream van so wonderfully made
With ice-creams of all tastes and coloring
Should never forbade
A child to gape in longing

The ice-cream of such sinful feeling
Slowly rafting down the throat
Sends the tastebuds beaming
And my senses afloat

The van's infernal ringing
Despite my bursting button
My stomach starts screaming
I am perhaps a glutton

-jon

clueless.

I've so much to do and i'm so lost.
Too many commitments in too little time.
I asked God, "what shall i do? please tell me?"
and i heard a voice reply" read my word and i'll tell you"
and i read Psalm 6.

The Comforter

I fought the tears and ran outside
From human eye i'd try to hide
But there are eyes that always see
He ever watches over me
And so He sent a gentle breeze
to kiss my cheek and comfort me.

-Emily King

Happiness

Searching desperately for happiness,
Perhaps in all the wrong places.
Discotheques, churches, even cold dark corners,
Provided my heart none of solace.

As I trudged along, a heart full of despair,
I asked God, "Why this burden to bear?"
The shopping malls and Christmas air,
Led me to a snow machine, before a plaza square.

A child danced beneath the floss-like snow that fell,
Entwining his hair with the white petals of bubbles.
He leapt, bounded and twirled with a joyful smile,
like a mother gleeful at her child's first babbles.

My heart skipped rhythmically, my mouth lost its frown,
Attempted to snap an illegal photo of the boy somehow,
My eyes blurred up and the boy could not be found.
I prayed and thanked Him for I know clearly now,

At once, alas , where happiness is abound.

And he smiled.

There stands a snow machine.
At Plaza Singapura, in the square.
With four angels parading the Christmas affair.
Go see if you can, you really must.
and hopefully,
you'll see an angel,
who'll make u blush..

Time.

Rushing through our lives,
believing that every minute cost a dime.
In this all, failing to realize,
Perhaps we've wasted a lifetime.

Anne.

Streets

Chapter I
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I AM LOST … I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
I takes forever to find my way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

-By Portia Nelson

Wonderfully written poem. Can't help but agree too.

birthday.

Watched San Ge Hao Ren at Kim's house warming. The movie was so sadly boring, even the sofa would have ran away.( Of course it couldn't. Beacuse we were all well seated upon it.)

Kim has a nice sofa though. I quite like it. Its velvety in a shade of beatiful hazel brown. Like the aromatic color of cuppacino.

But i did learn one thing, however and that is not to tell lies.
Cuz if u tell ONE lie, you've to tell TEN lies to cover up and ten lies would take u ONE HUNDRED lies to cover and so on and so forth until you tell the truth, or till the cows come home. Which ever makes you happy.

Today, I told ONE lie.

(okay, fine. i think i told more than that. Just.. i pay attention more to this one.)

And so i told one lie. *ignores the looks* and i had to cover that by telling ten lies. All because i was supposed to bluff Daryl that i needed to go to his place and in so doing, make him appear for the "surprise birthday party" awaiting him there.
BUT.

Lesson 1: Daryl is stubborn.
Lesson 2: IF you need to tell lies. try to do it with more people. (So you can tell 5 lies each later of instead of 10.)
Lesson 3: Daryl is as stubborn as a mountain.

So my lies didn't work. And i've to confess my sins now and repent. G-R-E-A-T. just great.
so moral of the story? don't tell lies people. just don't.

well... maybe a little lie... won't kill you.
(like if your girlfriend asks you if she's fat.)

i asked Jac.

I asked Jac.
Why don't girls like nice guys. WHY?

she said. its cuz girls like Nice guys.
With a CAPITAL "N".
I get it now.
Just how do i get a capital N...... hrmmm.... how how how?
=/

hols hols wonderful hols

Its the hols. I'm feeling desperately like a sausage in a haystack. Perhaps i've too many mind-numbing games, made up too many silly poems and committed myself to too many committments. oh well, here's a poem again.


The sausage sat there, and pondered.
Everything was so dry and dusty. It looked around and tried immensely to shift itself to a more comfortable position.
The hay gave way and he plummeted deeper into it.
Oh bollocks. Now he couldn't see anything. Anything. Except blasted hay.
And it was boring.
Now... what if he had been content.
What if...

WHAT IF

What if it hadn't moved so much,
Would the sausage still see hay?
What if i had cleaned my tank,
Would my goldfish be alive today?

What if i hadn't met my ex-girlfriend,
Would i be a thousands richer?
What if i hadn't eaten that gingerbread man
Would my waist still be a fifty-oner?

Would it still be Newton's law of gravity,
If he had been sitting under a durian tree.
Would i have been stung by a bee,
If i hadn't picked that bush to wee.

What if i had studied harder,
Would i have made it some how?
What if i hadn't met you,
Would I feel your absence now?

What if the grass wasn't greener.
Don't waste your time and perhaps consider.
So many what if's, one sausage in hay.
Don't dwell on regrets, or you'll waste your day.

- jon
cheerios. and merry christmas people

Dead tag board

I just killed my tag board by accident.
as u can see its a new one now. And its not happy that i had killed its cousin.
oh bummer. please tag people
haha

Resolutions

I think Christmas resolutions are in the rage nowadays.
(Simply because you only have to keep them for one silly month. and because new year ones never work.)

Here are my christmas resolutions:

1. Stop coming home at 3AM.

Been coming home at 3AM in the morning, if there's any good that actually does. It screws up your bio-clock, which in turn reduces your metabolic rate by a good 10% and makes u FAaAT.
AND Unless you're like somone i know who actually PRAYED to be fat. ho hum.

I never really wanted to come back at 3AM. One was a BBQ party with friends. Which was pretty ace cuz there was Alchohol(that's always a plus), and there were silly games with someone teaching magic tricks.
Now i can happily go out and bluff some innocent girls.

The other was comforting a friend at his place. and drinking. AGAIN. oh yea, to my dear friend. Case you're reading this. I'd dedicate this song to you Monty Python - Always look on the bright side of life. (will post ASAP/can get the mp3 from me).
And get over her. She's not worth your time.

2. I have resolved NOT to get into a relationship.(why do i hear some of you laughing...)

When it comes to girls, I have a IQ equivalent of a happy green bean.
Can't tell if the girl is trying to play hard to get or if they are genuinely, not interested.
Which sucks.

If i remember correctly. The last girl i tried to pick up gave me a cardio-vascular workout enough to last me for a week. My heart was beating till it almost fell out of my ribs. If u need exercise, you can be my guest.

3. Door mats are GAY.

When i say gay, i mean gay. As in happy-gay not gay-gay.
The last doormat i remember had a big "WELCOME" ALL OVER IT.( after being stepped on for the billionth time. I even stomped on it to make sure.)

It just carried on smiling happily and said "WELCOME".
It didn't ask me to " GO BUGGER OFF" or "GO STOMP ON YOURSELF" after i stomped on it and dragged my feet all over.
It just happily said "WELCOME" even after some more people stepped over it.
What bollocks.
I've decided; they're gay.

Okay. Three 's good. =) can't keep too many. Three is hard to keep already.
have a merry christmas.

Bowling for soup - Almost

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

Chorus*
And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished u would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

*chorus
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a forklift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems I can't remember one
I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

*Chorus
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you

I almost wish you would've loved me too

simply crazy

oh goodness. I've been tagged. This is bad. bollocks!
ok. i'm supposed to do.... (let me break it down nicely for u)

Rules of the game:
1.post 5 weird and random facts about yourself,
2.then at the end list 5 people who are next in line to do this.
"Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read yours."

simple enough? here goes. Goodness stupid Dan Chia arrow me. bummer. should i be silly? or crazy or simply lame-ly? OR..... Perhaps... poetry?

5 things about myself
#1
Brains' as fuzzy as an amazon monkey,
Living the frantic course of a movie.
Where the director is sadistically happy,
and the script is irritatingly funny.
#2
Don't like school as much as honey,
And very much like to have more money.
Wishes work was alot more goofy,
and life itself just wasn't so crazy.
#3
Loves my God, friends and family,
for loving me, though i'm so silly.
Resolved to live more fully.
And just why is breakfast so weirdly fishy?
#4
Thanks to Dan Chia for this amazing opportunity.
You shouldn't have to. really.
Writer's block makes me all goondu-ey,
Doesn't help when you can't think half as normally.
#5
Why you reading this? Are you nutty?!
Shouldn't you spend your time more wisely.
Alright. alright. if it makes you happy.
I'm going to arrow somebody.

and so, it continues......

for Andrea, the sweetie,
to give you more hyper-activity.
and Yifeng, i want your speacialty,
please make it more haiku-ey.

Can't ask you Dan Chia.
You've done it already.
Shall ask Aloy from Aussie.
For he's just as crazy.

You! Jolene, the igloo lady,
Cuz you're my Ms. Sunny.
And last but not leastly,
YC the pretty.

To the people above, as u can see already
You've been chosen. Unfortunately.
Figured you need some brain activity.
Given to you by your's truly,

ME.

bloody me. aren't u happy.

cheerios pple. =)

drawings of me! :D glorious me!

hmmm.. Van drew pictures of me. I bet. i bet you're all dead jealous. hahah..

Winter cleaning.

My sister sent her soft toy for a bath.

and decided this was the most convenient way to hang dry a soft toy.

so funny.

my mom was laughing like mad.

town :D again!

Trying hard to imitate the advert and the sculptures. So cannot make it. ahahhah.
Next time Stan. next time. we will prevail!

My sis

Was eating breakfast with my sis. Sharing a packet of malay currry rice. With rendang and cuttlefish.

Ruth: What will we do when we go to heaven?
Me: err... i dunno. (starts wondering and gives up shortly due to lack of sleep.)

Ruth: At least. there won't be ulcers! (cuz she has two ulcers and so do i.)
Ruth: And and! no dust mite bites. (She's got.. ya.)
Me: heh. okay. (if it makes you happy)

Ruth: But there won't be seafood :(
me: (thinks: OH CRAP! *#@&) err.... ya..that is kinda tragic.

Ruth: why doesn't God like fish?
Me: I really don't know. why don't we ask him when we see him again? (She asks an awful lot in the early morning. )

Ruth: Well.. at least. at least. there will be no dustmites. (gleefully) will there be mosquitos??
Me: (stumped).


Which is sad. haha. no seafood. i hope there is something nicer than seafood. Cheese macaroni?
I'm hungwy. again.

=======================
Moments with u last for eternity.

Johnny

i apologise if u have to click to read. haha. its a little small i know. =)